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Stories of Lost Grandchildren
Braedyn Joe Sandoval
by Renee Brennan, Caldwell, ID, U.S.A. On September 5, 2000, my world came tumbling down. Three years later, I will try to tell my story. My now ex-husband and I had moved back to Texas, in April to be near his terminally ill father. At the time, my daughter, Mikka was expecting her 4th child. Leaving her at that time was the hardest thing I have ever done. But, having lost both of my parents, I knew how important it was for my husband to be with his Dad during his last few months of life. As any proud grandparent, I was elated when I got the phone call at work that Mikka had delivered a healthy boy, and both mom and baby were fine. My heart and soul yearned for my daughter and my new grandson, Braedyn Joe Sandoval. I wanted, no, I NEEDED to hold them both in my arms. So, after a few weeks, when I felt it was safe for the two of them to make the trip from Idaho to Texas, we arranged for the two of them to fly down. They were only able to stay a week with us, because Mikka had to return to work shortly after that. During that week that they were with us, I cherished every minute of it. But, I can now admit to myself and to others, I had concerns about our little angel. He was very fussy, and broke out with a rash, which we thought was possible a heat rash. (Possible cause...the climate change). I remember one night my husband woke me up late one night, and told me he was worried about how Braedyn was breathing. I went into the room where Mikka and Braedyn were sleeping and silently sat there and listened to him breathe. I remember he was lying on his back next to his mommy, and I noticed short periods of apnea. (This, however, is not uncommon for newborns). Each time when the apnea would occur, I would listen, and just as I was about to arouse him, he would take another breath. Finally, after sitting vigilantly for about an hour, I went to bed, thinking he would grow out of this like all newborns do. I didn't say anything to my daughter about that night, because I didn't want her to worry. Anyway, the weirdest thing about the whole thing is, when my husband and I took the two of them to the airport to return to Idaho, we said our goodbyes, and I held and kissed them both one last time. And then, the strangest, sickening feeling came over me. I suddenly felt that I would never see one of them again. My knees got weak, and I could hardly stand to watch them board the plane. I kept telling myself I was being stupid and to stop thinking like that. After they boarded the plane, we were leaving the airport, and I was crying. My husband pulled over, and
said, "Do you want to watch them fly out". I couldn't speak, but nodded my head "yes". We sat there for a few minutes and watched the plane leave the horizon. And honestly, in my heart, I knew, our lives were going to change drastically very soon. I wasn't sure how, but the gut feeling was there. Mikka called me a couple of days later to tell me she had taken Braedyn to his pediatrician, and that he had a clean bill of health. I was relieved. But, I couldn't get the two of them off my mind. Then on September 5, I got the worst phone call I ever hope to recieve. I remember my son and I were home alone, and the phone rang. I answered it, and my daughter's mother-in-law, said "Renee,,,,,, here's Mikka"...... My heart sank. I thought to myself, "this is it!". Mikka said "Mom, Braedyn is dead". I fell to my
knees, and started screaming, "Mikka don't tell me this!!" I remember screaming that several times. I felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Then, Mikka said, "Mom, where's Dad?", "Is he there with you?" I told her "No, but he will be home anytime." The next thing I remember was my youngest daughter running into the house and grabbing me. The next morning, as we were preparing to head back to Idaho, my husband showed me the pocket watch that his father had given him a few days earlier. The watch had stopped on the exact hour that our little Braedyn left us. Time just stopped! Something died in me that night, a void that can't be filled. But I do know, I will hold you in my arms again some day. I love you, my little angel. I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything to keep you with us. We all miss you and think of you daily. And remember, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine....." Love Always, forever and a day! Grandma
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