Stories of Lost Children
I Understand
by Jennifer Tyner, Buffalo, NY, USA
I've shared my story before how I lost my daughter Jolie, May 22, 2005. This time, I just wanted to share something with the parents that are finding it hard to believe, breathe, or just be. Everytime I see 5-2-2 whether it be the time, on a license plate, in a phone number, or someone's birthday, my heart feels a little tug. I know that everytime I think of my daughter she is up above winking at me. I have no doubt that she is saying, "hey mommy- i'm here just sending you a hello!" I also feel that way when in a relatively clean house or on a unbreezy day and something will just float towards me, is it a dust particle, or is it my first-born daughter? I pick the latter! That being said I'll let you in on a little secret. It's OK if you don't let go. Repeating, it's ok if you don't let go. I've since had another daughter and I wonder, is this what Jolie would have been like? I take pictures of my babies and wonder would Jolie have been a split image of Jeana, Jayden, me or Daddy? It's been 4 years and I'm not ready to forget that there was a life inside of me, growing, kicking, and then one day- nothing. Me remembering my daughter is my way of honoring her. People tell me Jennifer you have so much to be grateful for why hold on to the past? And I say, because my past is my CHILD, and although I am sooooo grateful for my babies- I will NEVER forget the one who didn't make it. I still get teary eyed, angry, remorseful, but I am finding it easier to breathe, live a full life and at the same time honor Jolie's memory, and that's ok. And to those parents, grandparents, loved ones that haven't made it to that point yet- to you I sat that's ok, and I understand.
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