Stories of Lost Children
HELP ME GO ON
by C.M., Onamia, Minnesota, U.S.A.
I lost my little girl 3 months ago. Her lungs did not develop. When she was born I heard her cry, a short cry, it sounded like she struggled for that cry. I feel so guilty like I could have done something better. I could have kept her on a respirator but I was told she had already developed brain damage from lack of oxygen. I was also told it would be best if we "let her go". I let my fiance decide... They took all the tubes off her and placed her in my arms. I was able to hear a sigh and she moved a little in my arms, then she passed away while I held her. I am currently meeting a psychologist and going to several other meetings but I feel all this is useless. I found a job two weeks after I had her "to keep myself from going insane" but now all I want to do is crawl back to bed and stay there. I know it is wrong but I left work last Friday and I never went back. I am 36 years old and my mom is scolding me for quiting my job. I no longer have the desire to live...
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