Stories of Lost Children
My Precious Little Girl
by Melinda Alfarano, Cincinnati, OH, U.S.A.
At the time I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Angelina Louise it was not the best of times, my grandmother had just passed away, I discovered that I was pregnant, and the father of my child and I went our separate way. This all occurred all in the same weekend. I was scared to death to become a single parent and at the age of 21. I knew I had to take care of the child growing inside of me so I worked hard on becoming a strong person for the sake of my child. I tried so hard to do what was best for her before she arrived. I kept working until just before my due date. But, my job started becoming a strain on me and my child so I decided with the help of my doctor to take my maternity leave. I ended up being almost 2 weeks over due. She was due on April 15, 2000 but was born on April 23, 2003. That is also the date of my other grandmother's birthday. Except hers was April 23, 1900. My regular doctor went on vacation so I had to see a different one. This doctor set it up for me to go to the hospital at 5am on a Saturday morning to have my labor induced. Everything was going fine at first. They were putting a tablet in my cervix to get me to dilate but, all it did was make me very sensitive. I wasn't dilating as much nor as fast as they wanted me to. Late that night they took me to labor and delivery. They wanted to get me to dilate to at least 4 centimeters with the insertion of a Foley Ball into my cervix. Later very early the next day they removed the Foley Ball and I had finally dilated to four centimeters. I had a monitor around my belly so that they could watch her heart rate. She kept moving away from the monitor. The doctors came in and told me that they thought she was going into trouble with my labor. So they wanted to break my water and they did so after they numbed me with an epidural. When they broke the water they discovered it was green. They tried flushing it out but while they were doing that they noticed that her heart rate was basically going flat lined. So they decided to do a emergancy Caesarean Section. They told me that she may end up in the NICU and would most likely be sick. At no time did the divulge to me that she may be in danger of dying. From the time of her birth till the time she passed away she never cried nor did I see her alive. They worked on her for 30 minutes or so but were unsuccessful in their attempts to save her. She had been born with a faint heart rate which flat lined when the umblilcal cord was cut. They just could not revive her dur to the fact that her lungs were impacted with her bodily waste. I had to tell her father that she had passed away and what happened. That was difficult for me because we were not together and were barely on speaking term. I didn't let him know at the time what had been going on with her or me during the last stages of my pregnancy. I felt so bad doing that but I was trying so hard to reduce my stress and I just wanted a healthy child. I think of the loss of her everyday and with things could have been different but, I have to deal with the reality that my only child is gone. I want to have more children but I don't know what my future holds in that regard. My daughter's birthday every year is hard for me and it seems to get harder instead of easier. Angelina Luise
Born: April 23, 2000
8 lbs., 3.6 oz.
22 inches long
Time of birth: 8:53 p.m.
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