Stories of Lost Children
My Last Baby
by Angela Pittman, Jacksonville, AR, U.S.A.
My last daughter and child, Camryn Rhianna was born on July 22, 2002 at 10:08 am. It was a pretty easy pregnancy besides the morning ( or should I say all day sickness) sickness. It was the EASIEST delivery (I have 3 other daughters). I had decided to have my tubes tied not knowing my baby girl was sick. I had her with me all night. She ate, she slept with me and I changed her first dirty diaper. I was really tired in the middle of the night so the nurse asked me did I want them to take her to the nursery so I could sleep and I said yes. They brought her back later. Then about 7:00 a.m. they came and got her so they could do the usual pre-release tests and checkups on her. The doctor came in and said that she had a heart murmur but they wanted to check it out a little closer to make sure thats all it was. Then the nurse came back and told me it was more serious then a heart murmur. They said that she had Hypo Plastic Left Heart Syndrome. I didn't know what it was. All I wanted to know was "is she gonna live". I knew when she said I don't know, that it wasn't good. She was transported to Arkansas Childrens Hospital within the hour. We were suppose to stay because another day but I told them if she is leaving, you can discharge me now. So we got to the hospital and they kept giving me the runaround as to where my daughter was. Finally they said she was in the CardioVascular Intensive Care unit or the CVICU. So we went up there and we had them explain all of it to us. My husband almost passed out. They told us she would need surgery now and the more as she got older. I was devasted. You mean to tell me you are going to cut my beautiful, blue eye baby. She had surgery when she was 3 days old to place a shunt in her heart. If though, she had one of the best surgeons in the world, Dr Jonathan Drummond-Webb, (he had a documentary on him and the hospital). It didn't go well and she had to be placed on ECMO, which is basically life support. They kept telling me she was getting stronger and that they would try to wean her off the
ECMO. They tried but it didn't work. Her valve was to small and in the process it cased a leak that they couldnt fix. So 12 days after her surgery I was told she would need a heart transplant and was put on the list. I could not believe what was going on. I never thought this could happen to me, to us. I was so upset by all of this. I mean I knew what had to happen in order for my baby to get a heart and that hurt so bad. She was so sweet. She loved to listen to music and she was spoiled by all the nurses. They bought her a CD player and put lullabys in it and put the headphones on so she could listen to them. She had a temper out of this world and if you moved her she got so mad. So we were on the list but her new heart didnt come in time. Then on August 26, 2002 we were in the waiting room waiting for the time to come so we could go back and visit her. She had developed and infection due to all the tubes in her but they said she would be fine. Where she was in the hospital you could only visit for 10 minutes every hour,( they let us stay longer usually). Well anyway were sitting out there and I get a call saying the transplant nurse wants to talk to me, Im thinking Oh My God this is it. But instead they tell me her kidneys are failing and that she is ineligible for a heart unless all her organs work, and that the dialysis isnt working. Bascially there was nothing else they could do for her. So I had to make the decison to take her off support. That was the hardest decision of my life. They told me I didnt have to do it tonight but I told them there wasn't any reason to make her suffer any longer if she wasnt going to make it. So I called all my family up there and they all got to come see her, even her 2 sister (her sister Lexie was to little to understand). Then they all went out and they asked if I wanted to hold her until she left. I said no at first and then I decided I couldn't let her go alone. So they gave a rocking chair and first her daddy held her and then I did. They took pictures. I couldn!t believe I was holding my daughter for the first time since she was born. The chaplain from the Air Force made it in time to dedicate her to crist. Then at 10:40 p.m. on August 26, 2002, as I held her and we talked to her, Camryn took her last breathe. I still have flashbacks of the way she looked grasping for breathe and it kills me. Then they had us leave while they took out all the tubes and got her dressed and then they let all of us come back in and hold her and kiss her. My oldest daughter got to hold her for the first time. She doesnt know that she was gone and she never will. They put the sweetest pink dress on her. She looked so beautiful. She was buried on 8-30-2002. That whole day was a blur. I remember standing over her casket rubbing her black hair. She was so beautiful. I will never forget her. I dream of her and I think of her daily. She was my last baby but she is not forgotten. Every year on her birthday we have cake and release balloons. And every year on her date of death we remember her. Thanks for letting me share my story. It helps to talk about her. If anyone would like to chat or share their story and hear more about my baby the PLEASE email me at SexyMomee24@aol.com or Sexylilmom@hotmail.com. I say she was given to me by God so easily on the day I delivered her because he knew it was going to be harder for me to give her back. He was right. It was. I love you Cammie and I miss you but I know I will see you soon in heaven and once again I will be able to give you Butterfly Kisses. Mommy, Daddy, Nana, Granma,Papa, Mikah, Destiny, Alexis,Grandma Alice, Papa Gene and all your family
LOVE YOU!!!!
|
