Stories of Lost Children
Delta
by Michelle, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
I've been reading all your stories and it's amazing how similar our thoughts and emotions are. My husband and I lost our only daughter Delta at 26 weeks gestation, I have 2 other children from a previous marriage. I'm 40 so I wasn't sure if I could get pregnant again after 10 years but it happened quickly and we were all excited about having our little girl. Terrible morning sickness, got through an amnio and 20 week check up, things were looking good; she was very very active. It happens in the blink of an eye; one minute they are there next minute they are gone. I went to bed on early morning of 24 March 2004 and woke up 7 hrs later with no movement, you try and tell yourself everything is OK but you know that it's not, I could feel her legs/arms and moved them with no push back. I finally went to the doctors and heard the dreaded words "there is no heart beat, I'm sorry". You just want to disappear, you want it all to go away, "how am I going to tell everyone, "how am I going to get through the labour". The labour was induced the next morning and Delta was born 800gms 12.10am, Friday 26 March 2004 and cremated 1 April. It was the hospital I had my 2 children 10 and 12 years earlier and all the smells reminded me of a healthy baby. This time I would leave the hospital without a child. My husband has been fantastic he knows what to say and how to make it all seem "logical". I've found that if you don't keep asking the question "WHY" and realising that there is NO ANSWERS you can move on, you have to draw from the positive, we realised the true strength of our love and that of our family and friends. It has put many issues into perspective and any doubts that may have existed have been more than addressed, we have found strength, courage and the clarity of our future together. He wrote a special peom and presented it to me as well as a half a gold heart (he wears the other half) inscribed "our hearts beat as one", we aren't religious so it was something we could keep close to remember her. "Our heart stood still at the time of her passing....a void was felt like never before....the love and exitement felled us to the floor.....and as suddenly as you left, you return....taking aw the feeling of theft....filling our hearts with the greatest gift....you gave your mum and I a new life, seeing "eye to eye"...our love has been forged even stronger with the fires that burn us no longer and although we ask the question why we know that in our hearts you are still very much alive with a georgeous sun and our hearts beating as one....thanks to you are darling child our lives will no longer be simply mind, you are still our miracle child." We'll never forget her, but with every set back you get stronger and stronger each time. xxx
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