Stories of Lost Children
The Pain is Too Much
by Nicole Stiffler, Hummelstown, PA, U.S.A.
I am new to this board but I wanted to share my story with everyone. My story doesn't have a happy ending though. My heart is empty and my body is numb ever since I delivered my son on March 19th, 2004 at 2:40 p.m. He was born at 18 wks gestation and too young to survive. Our son lived for only 2 short minutes and then was called home to God. I sit here and cry and ache for my son's cry, for his smile, for his perfect little face and all I get are memories {which i am thankful I have of him} but the pain is just to much to bear. We buried our son this past Friday, March 26th, and that truely was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. When I walked away from the cemetary, a part of me died as I yearned to hold him one more time. Our son never had a chance to live, or cry or smile, and my heart just hurts so bad I can't function properly. It's hard to do anything except mourn the loss of him. I can't take care of my family as I should, I can't eat, sleep or work. My son was my life as he grew inside me for 4.5 months. We listened to his heartbeat every single day without missing one day at all, now I look down at my belly and know that my son is no longer in there, it tears me to pieces. I don't know how to deal with all this anger that I have inside me or do I know if my grieving is the right way to grieve or not. If anyone could give me any words of encouragement or advice on how to deal with life itself, please help me. I need all the prayer's and strength I can get as I don't see any light at the end of my tunnel. I need and want my son so bad. To know that this is my worst nightmare come true is too much to bear right now.
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