Stories of Lost Children
Braedyn Joe Sandoval
by MIkka Sandoval , , ,
July 26th 2000, My son Braedyn Joe Sandoval was born. Braedyn was due on the 31st but because I had two other children, my doctor induced my labor. I was induced at 7:30 a.m. and by 10:01 a.m. Braedyn was born. I was a three centimeters at 9:55 a.m. He was so fast. No other family was there except my sister-in-law that ran in at the last minute. The rest of the family was running across the hospital as Braedyn entered our world. The pregancy as well as labor and deliverly were uneventful. Breadyn was checked out the next morning by the pediatrician. He said that he had a small heart murmur that was not a shock to him because a lot of babies did have them at first. He said as he got bigger it would fade. We went home that day. I breast fed my son and stayed attached to him all day. He loved to nurse as well as sleep in my arms. As my days of maternity leave were almost over, my mom and I decided that Braedyn and I should come to Texas for all of them to meet him. My family were living there at the time being. A week and a half before I was to report to work, we were flying to Texas. Braedyn had a miserable time there. He cried so much and developed what we thought was a heat rash. I tried to take him to the hospital there to be checked out but they wouldn't see him because our insurance was from out of state and we couldn't guarantee payment. A week later and we were on our way home. Once we got home, I took Braedyn to the doctors to have him checked out. He was perfectly fine; that small heart murmur was gone. Three days later I returned to work. My husband and I had alternating shifts so he would be home with him while I worked. My second day back; I had been calling home all day to check on him. He had been fine at about 3:30 p.m. and my husband said he had just fallen asleep and they were having a good day. I was off at 6 p.m. and arrived home at between 6:30 p.m. and 6:45 p.m. All the way home I was achen for my son. I was still breaast feeding so I was ready for that too. As I walked in the house was silent. I knew something was wrong, I ran to the back room, our bedroom where he slept, and stopped at the door. I looked in the crib and he was lying there. He was on his belly and the back of his head was facing me. My heart dropped. I don't know what about this sight was wrong; maybe he was too still. I ran and put my hand on him; usually this would startle him. This time he didn't move and I started to roll him and he was limp. I turned him to me and saw his blue lips. I jerked him up and went running and screaming for my husband who was also asleep. I screamed at him to call 911. I laid him down on the couch still concerned about his comfort and began CPR. I realized I needed him on the floor and picked him up and moved him down. I was doing CPR as I was screaming that I needed them there now! I kept thinking I had him because a sound would come from his mouth as I did chest compressions. I continued this for what seemed like an eternity. I heard the sirens, and then I had firemen and paramedics around me. I stopped what I was doing and they told me to continue until they were ready. Once they were ready, I was pulled away by a fireman who began asking questions. I just dropped back down and held my son's hand. One paramedic began filling a syringe and I knew he was going to be okay. In the movies this is the magic potion. I was thrilled they carried it with them. It didn't work and they bagan shocking him, placed a tube down his throat and used a bag on him. I was so relieved that they were doing everything right. Still the monitor showed nothing. I began screaming again, "Its been to long, FIX HIM". I remember saying over and over "Its been too long; I know its been too long". I went outside and got sick. They placed him on a stretcher and took him outside and said they were heading to the hospital. They said that we should follow, but not to closely. A friend gave us a ride to the hospital. When we got there we were dropped off at the ambulance entrance where the ones that worked on him at our house were standing outside. I ran past them in time to see the doctors and nurses leaving a room, all with the look I've seen so many times on TV. I started screaming and I knew he was gone. They had a wheelchair and they stuck me in it and wheeled me off to a private room to calm down. Once I wasn't screaming anymore, they took me to see my baby. He was wrapped in a warm blanket and still had the tube down his throat. They sat me in a rocker and handed me my son that was pronounced "dead on arrival". I cried and rocked and cried and rocked. This couldn't be; this wasn't him. I was suppose to come home and hold him and nurse him and memorize that same face that I had memorized all the 41 days of his life. I remember then being taken out and put at the nurses station. I remember a nun telling me I should call my family. My mother-in-law found the number and handed me the phone. I couldn't dial so they had to. I remember wondering how to say it. How do you say my son died? My mom-in-law asked for my mom and handed me the phone. I said "Mom, Braedyn died" I don't remember anything after that except my dad crying and mom saying "no Mikka no". I went home and cried until I was sick. I couldn't move, I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink; I was immobile. I would wake up after passing out asleep in a cry. I never knew you could begin crying in your sleep and I would wake myself up that way. My son's death was labeled a SIDS death and he was perfectly healthy via autopsy. My son died for no reason. He would be three years old now and a day doesn't go by when I don't think of him. I miss him more than words. Braedyn, if tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. Guard and protect your sibling and visit me and let me know that you're okay. I MISS you!!!!!! I LOVE you!!!!!!!! Always on Heaven and Earth, Your mommy
also love Daddy, Austin, Ethan and Jazlynn
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