Lord I waited to hold my little girl on my lap and tell her about you.
But since I never had the chance, Will you please hold her on your lap and tell them about me?
We think of you every single day. You are not only missed, but also remembered. Though your time spent on earth with us was short, the impact you left behind when you went to heaven has forever changed our lives. The impact of your passing on was and remains the most painful of any experiences. Now almost one year later though, It is the impact of your birth, the time we were blessed with you, and the picture of you in my wallet that has the most impact of all. It reminds me I am never alone and that your mommy, sisters and I may not have all or any of the answers, But I know that we all have you in heaven with God, those answers to life already revealed to you waiting for when we all meet again. I am looking forward to a tour through heaven and all the introductions that I am going to get from you. Your sisters Kaden and Abby love and miss you. They ask about you often, answers are sometimes very hard to give. I know that you already know this but Mommy, Daddy and your sisters we all Love you so much. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and daily struggles in the last year. Your Mommy afraid not crying would mean she had gotten over the pain or had forgot about you. She even wrote down on paper memories of you, told me she was afraid of forgetting any detail of the time we spent with you. I remember in the beginning seeing her reaching out to hold you, in tears because she couldnít feel your little hands. The whole time you were there though feeling hers. That was impossible to comprehend back then. Here on earth its hard to understand or believe in things we cannot see or feel, but I know that in our family everywhere we go even though no one else can see or knows it there is one more little Lawrence girl walking with us. Every time she is asked, How many children do you have ? Mommy marks 3 and writes down all of you. That is another one of the little unseen by most struggles because then of course it makes her think of you. Which usually stirs up the emotions and tears, now she ends it with a smile though, because those little soft hands we couldnít feel in our own we now feel on our faces wiping away tears shed grieving. Even your big sisters I've seen playing or laughing alone by themselves, Abby told me when I asked she was laughing at something you told her. So I guess you really never even left of us at all, not even for a little while. Again I do not know all the answers. It sure felt like you had left completely the day you passed away. The hospital room memories are the only ones I would ever want to forget. The worst day of our life for many of us May 2nd 2010. The first year anniversary coming up and all I can hope is that our family can do something so great in remembrance of you. That every year that follows we can think about what happen May 2nd 2011 instead of the year before. I promise that you will always be remembered Kenadie. Mommy and I have work unfinished down here and your two sisters to raise. But I promise to you that when I am finished and I too am called to heaven. I will be coming there to stay for eternity with you. One day we will all be there and we can catch up on lost time. Until that day comes just keep watching us here below. Help guide us in that direction. Your sisters one day may need there little sister and there will be nothing mommy or I can do. Your Mommy will have moments that she really needs you. So please be there when that happens and remind them they arenít alone. I Love you princess Kenadie Alecsis.