In Loving Memory of Alicia Jamie
I found out I was pregnant shortly after my 17th birthday. It was a shock. I was afraid of telling anyone. But my mom already knew. She asked me and I said yes. She told me she would be there for me whenever I needed her. Daddy was shocked but seemed to be happy. Billy...oh yes Billy. He screamed "I LOVE YOU !" He was the happiest man alive. And I was so afraid to tell him. I was due on Sept. 16th.
On September 2nd, I woke up and felt this very bad pain. I never thought about labor cause it not the 16th. Two more weeks to go. After waking up my parents, the rushed me into the hospital. I screamed "I will not have this baby without Billy!" So they called him. He was there immediately. Think he took a flight to the hospital. it was really quick. LOL Alicia Jamie was born on Sept. 2nd 2000 at 3:46 a.m. She was perfect. We cried while she laid on my belly. Billy took her and cut the umbilical cord. I never saw him so proud before. She was laying in his arms and the first thing he said to her was: "Hi Alicia Jamie, I'm your daddy. We will have a lot of fun. I will always be there when you need me!" I cried while hearing these words. We took her home on Sept. 4th.
The first 2 days I stayed at my parents house, cause ours wasn't finished yet. When we showed Alicia her room for the first time, she cried. I think she liked it, but was afraid of sleeping in her own room. Oh god...if I had known before this would end in a nightmare. Everything was going fine. Alicia was a very happy baby and everybody loved her. On Sept. 26th we had to bring her to the hospital again, cause she had high temperature. They said we shouldn't worry and took her home after 3 days in hospital. After that she was very good and as happy as before.
Then on Oct. 20th, the worst day of my life, she decided to live with god. I laid her down for a nap. While she was sleeping I did the laundry and other things. I decided to wake her up and drive to my parents house. When I opened the door of her room I knew she was gone. I just knew it, I don't know why. I called 911. While waiting for them I started CPR on her. All I could think about was her prom, her first boyfriend, her first spoken word, seeing her laughing, running around, driving a car, her marriage and her own children. I didn't want to loose her. The ambulance came and continued the CPR. After 30 minutes of trying the stopped and told me that she is dead. I broke down, screamed, cried.... I called my parents and Billy. Everybody was shocked.
They took me into hospital and I had to stay there overnight. My parents did all the other work for us (funeral...)
Mom and Dad, thank you so much. I love you!
The funeral was on Oct. 27th. About 100 people were there to say good-bye. It was good to have all these people around me. Billy and I cried so much. Many flowers were laid on her casket. It was overwhelming to see all these people crying for my baby.
Shortly after her funeral I found out that I'm pregnant again. Due on July 30th 2001. Our twins were born almost 3 months premature on April 7th 2001. Their names are Vanessa Sophie and Kaitlynn Marie. I think these tiny babies are a new chance for us. Alicia Jamie will always be our first born child.
We love you Alicia, always and forever.
If we could have you back
If we could have you back for just
There would be so many things we
would like to say.
If we could just be with you for
one whole day,
to have you close and know that
you really are okay.
If we had known that you would
be gone forever,
If we had known all those ties
were going to be severed,
If we had known the pain, the loss,
and the ache,
If we had known the difference
without you would make.
In the darkness you slipped away
from us all,
Now it's just your memories
that we have to recall,
They say that parting is such
But it's the longing, the wondering,
and how to cope with tomorrow.
They say that grieving a child is
Cause life's plan is that the
parents should go first.
Now all we have are memories,
the good times that we had,
We spend so much time in tears,
and pain and feeling sad.
So if we could have you back for
just one day,
You could let us know to cope until
that judgement day.
When we'll be together as a family
When we'll all be happy and
free from all this pain.
Oh, It's so hard to live when
your child has to die,
Then we spend our lifetime trying
to say Goodbye!