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Stories of Other Loss

A Sis to Angels
by J., Wasilla, U.S.A.

A friend sent me this site. Seems it's for kids mostly but I will post a little of my story. In May of 2004, my older brother Don died by drowning. It was a beautiful sunny day and he was out on his boat. Some told me that he would have chosen this way. I don't think so. I spent two months grieving my oldest brother. Then in July our other brother calls me and tells me he has cancer. He moved in and I became his caretaker. Right up to the end. He passed away in January of 2005. In between that time our sis was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer and I also begin to care for her. She moved close by so I could drive and hour to her and take care of her. She passed away in April of this year 2006. We also lost a cousin to brain cancer, another to a hit and run driver and yet another to a brain aneurism.

A person can't help wonder if all this is real, just what is happening and who's next? All this in three years time. We were all very close and the loss is huge. I am filled with anger with no where to release it. I am filled with sorrow, just missing them so much and wishing I could just pick up the phone one more time. Because I was Rob and Pauline's care givers everyday up to the end, I feel like I lost myself somewhere too. Having a hard time trying to figure out just what I did before all this started happening. A feeling like I should be doing something, anything, like I need to be somewhere. Everyday was filled with appointments and things for them that now? I don't know. I know it takes time; everyone tells me that. That's what I would tell someone else too; I'm drained now though.

My sis, man, she got stronger the weaker she got. Amazed us around her; no whimpering or why me? She just got beautiful and peaceful before she left; she left a lady. Very dignifed and smiling for us. Pauline has wonderful wings now, she more than earned them.

Rob, a man's man until the end, still very concerned for those around him? Did I want to leave his bedside to go rest or eat? There were many friends there right to the end of his journey too; both of them surrounded by loved ones. Guess thats one of the best tributes to a person.

My brother Don, he was alone out fishing for a elder woman who didn't have any food; a thing he loved to do and was very good at. Always watching out for others too. He couldn't swim and we still haven't figured out what happened; how he ended up in the water. His best friend found his body, so ice cold but found. There was comfort in that, the finalty and the knowing.

I miss them so very much, their lives too short even in the early fourties. Their daily lives were too big and busy to be just done already. Thanks for listening. I meant to just simply say how very much they were loved, how much they are missed and I pray we see each other soon.

Jean

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