Stories of Other Loss
My Charlie Brown ... gone
by Jami Hall, Normal, U.S.A.
On July 23rd, 2000, at approximately 2:00 pm, my whole world changed forever. My best friend came into my room and told me that my grandpa had suffered a massive heart attack in church that morning and had died. The wind was knocked out of me and I thought that I would pass out. I screamed at her that she was lying and begged her to tell me that it wasn't true. But, no one could tell me that because he was gone. I was so accustomed to hearing that he had a spell and that he was in the hospital that I couldn't bring myself to believe it. I still find myself believing that he is still here and in complete denial. My grandpa's nickname for me was Charlie Brown. That was my nickname for him as well. He and I shared many inside jokes. How I miss those jokes and how I miss his laugh. I am his oldest grandchild and I believe that we had a special bond because of this. He was the absolute best. No doubt. My grandma asked me to speak at his funeral. I agreed and this is what I wrote/said: "My grandpa, my hero, my Charlie Brown is gone. He left us without warning. He left us in the blink of an eye. He left us totally unprepared for his departure. It never occured to me that my grandpa wasn't invincible. I never thought there would be a day without him. He was our rock. He stood taller than the tallest tree. He was stronger than any superhero. He was Grandpa, the best man I have ever known. He was the glue that held my family together. We came together to be near him. Now, I want to know where we will go and what we will do and if things will ever be the same again. Will we still all come together? Will our family be the same? Will Dustin, Andrew, Austin, and Tyler ever know just how wonderful their grandpa was? I want my grandpa back, as I am sure you would all like to have him back. If only for one day to tell him how much I love him and what he meant to me. I want to tell him that I memorized the way to his house when I was young so I could always find my grandpa. I want to tell him that everytime I passed Lazy Row on the interstate, I blew him a kiss. I want to tell him I adored him. I want to tell him he is my hero. So many words have been left unsaid. Now, we are left with memories and each other. Let us all remember to cling to both each day and to tell our loved ones we love them no matter our arguments or differences. And one last thing. Grandpa, I won't be eating chopped pork for dinner, cause my mom said I don't have to." Dealing with Grandpa's death has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I feel like part of me has died. I still beg God to start July 23rd over and to not take my grandpa. I would give anything for that. I still cry myself to sleep very often. Death is a cruel thing. I think of him everyday. I pray that he is with the angels and that he knows just how much I love him. Rest in peace, dear, dear grandpa.
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