Stories of Other Loss
This Is My Story
by Lucy Boyer, McLean, U.S.A.
I grew up in a large family and was loved and cared for by the best of parents. I married at 19, had my first pregnancy at 20, miscarried and then had a son at 21. I divorced at 25, remarried the same year. I had a miscarriage at 26. Then my whole world seemed to fall apart. My mother, who was my best friend, died in a car wreck just a few days before my 27th birthday...it was awful...I did not know what to do...I threw myself into caring for my aging father and that really helped. Then I got pregnant again, but once again miscarried. I was totally devasted. But finally, when I was 30, I delivered a beautiful baby girl who had my mothers eyes. I was ecstatic and 2 1/2 years later I had a big (9lbs 14oz 23 inches long) boy. He was beautiful and we decided because we then had three healthy children that that would be all and I had my tubes tied. We really had a good life. In 1992 my older sister who had become a mom to me, died in a car wreck, just like my mother had. I could not believe it nor could I believe the depth of my grief. But because she and I were 13 apart in age, her children and I had grown up together and I made it through her death and the grief by helping her children. I was still reeling from her death and trying to cope with her family and send cards, etc like she would have, when in 1994 my youngest son died in an accident. He was 15. Never in my life had any other grief, losing parents, siblings, etc. prepared me for what this would be like. My husband and I were at a loss, but we found a support group and started going to them and they saved our lives and our marriage. We have survived and now we reach out to others with the love that we have for our son. The empty arms are the worst ache and so we reach out to others and share the love we had for him....it has been six years since his death and we have survivied. If there are those of you out there who think you will not, you will. It is hard work and it is exhausting, even after six years, but if you reach out to others, at first just to stand on your own feet with their support and then reach out to others to lend that support, you will survive.
Lucy Boyer, blank@mtco.com
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