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Stories of Lost Grandchildren
Sweet Caroline
by Bernadette Our lives changed forever on Friday the 13th as my daughter, who was 1 week short of her due date, called "Mom, the baby has no heartbeat. You need to be strong for me. I will need you for a very long time." This is not really happening.. a perfect pregnancy, a happy pair of parents-to-be eagerly waiting for the birth of their first child. Time stood still, shock and denial quickly set in as my husband and I rushed to the hospital to support and comfort our daughter and son-in-law. As we entered the hospital room, Jen and Dave were sitting calmly-no words could ever express the pain and sympathy. She informed us that she was going to deliver the baby vaginally. "Oh! why God are you doing this to my baby? Labor and delivery is so painful even in the best of situations-please have a c-section." We soon realized that we had an extremely strong and courageous daughter, who choose the best route for the situation. Shortly after the doctors reported that their baby was a boy-they had previously decided to wait to find out the sex of the child. "Oh thank God," she sobbed-"if it was a girl I could never deal with the loss." She genuinely believed that she was carrying a boy and there was little possibility having a girl. In addition, her private nurse, Caroline, who we referred to as William's guardian angel, was heaven sent. We, all 4 grandparents, were allowed to stay in the room until delivery She closely monitored and comforted Jen through this much dreaded experience. After the delivery Jen called us in the waiting room "Mom, come in and see your new grandaughter." We were in utter amazement, we had seen the doctor perform the ultra sounded and both agreeded that it was a little boy. As I was the first one to enter the room, I prayed "Please God-don't allow her to be grossly disfigured. In Jen's arms rested a beautiful fair skinned, pink cheeked little darling. "Mom, she looks just like me when I was a newborn!" As I examined her little face and fingers, words only a grandmother can speak rolled off my tongue-"I love you sweetheart, we have waited a long time to meet you, you are such a beautiful baby." As Dave placed her in my arms a sense of peace drapped over my shoulders. As each grandparent held Caroline a special bonding and tranquility permeated the room as we greeted and simultaneously said goodby to our little angel.
The following days and burial presented many strong emotions ranging from; anger, blame, doubt, denial, and finally to grief. Not only were we suffering but Jen's brothers, Matt and Eric were experiencing internal pain from the loss of their first niece. No one realized how excited these 2 adult men were about becoming uncles. There hearts are forever broken, but their spirit and strength is incredible as we all limp along. It soon became apparent that this was not at all similiar to the previous loss of our parents/grandparents-they were elderly and this is what is SUPPOSE to happen but, NOT to our grandaughter/niece. We soon found that we were not only suffering the loss of Caroline as grandparents/uncles but at the same time the pain of our daughter's/sister's and son-in-laws's painful loss. How do we ever comfort our own babies when we are so grief strickened? Prayers and support from friends and relatives are the only things that help to provide comfort and propel us through this painful and unfamiliar journey. God bless to all and especially to others who are thrown into this tragic situation.
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