Stories of Lost Children
My Baby Jordan
by Lisa Hackworth, Bowling Green, Ohio, U.S.A.
I found out I was pregnant on Halloween 1999, I had a good pregnancy, no problems or complications until I was a few weeks away from my delivery date. I had went to the doctor for my usual checkup and had an ultra sound done to make sure everything was ok. Well they had found that she was breach and I had to make a decision on whether to have them turn her or take the chance that she would flip on her own. Before I could make the decision she had decided to make the decision for me, she turned herself around during the middle of the night. It was so painful I thought I was gonna die. I went back to the doctor and he said she had turned. So everything had been going well until July 7th, the night I started labor. I had the normal labor pains, every 3-5 min but had not lost my plug or water. I called the hospital and they had told me to stay home until I lost the plug or water. I finally lost it at 5 am July 8th. I called my husband at work and he took me in. When we got there they couldn't find the heartbeat. They tried and tried and at that time I really wasn't thinking of what the consequences were. I just thought that I was going to have a baby. They did an ultrasound and still could not find it. A few minutes later the doctor came in and told me my baby had died. I thought I was going to lose it, but I seemed to hang on and did the family thing and kept up appearances, all the while keeping from my family that my husband and we were getting a divorce. I had a C-section done I wanted her out. I didn't think I could live with going through the labor, so they honored my wishes. It has been a year since I lost her. I still deal with the pain every day and I cannot get up the strength to go to her grave. I do not believe she is there and part of me sees no point. Besides living with the loss of her death, I have to see my ex-husband and his new girlfriend who has been chasing him for nearly 2 years every day at work. Sometimes I feel I'm going to lose my mind but somehow I manage to keep it together. I don't know how; I just do it.
So if there are any other women out there who have been through this experience please contact me if you wish to talk! lhackworth43402@yahoo.com
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