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Stories of Lost Children

Our Sweet Baby
by C.S., Tallahassee, FL, U.S.A.

I want to start this story on a positive note. I gave birth to my daughter in 2008. She is 7 years old now and still my baby. In 2009 I got divorced and moved from Massachusetts back to Florida to be with my family and raise my daughter with some family support. In 2011 I was pregnant again and so excited! At 12 weeks my pregnancy ended. The doctors said its normal to have a miscarriage and that the majority of women at some point have one or two and that it's not until your third consecutive miscarriage that it becomes a concern. So I lost another baby in February of 2012 and then the third baby was lost in August 2012. Since then, I was unable to get pregnant again until magically in September of 2015 when the pregnancy test finally turned positive. I was so shocked and happy that I requested the test everyday for a month. My last three miscarriages ended between 8 and 12 weeks. Once the 12th week of this pregnancy passed it was a min celebration for each passing week there after. I was on progesterone medicine and extra folic acid and baby aspirin to thin my blood. I was weened off of the progesterone by week 15. I couldn't believe my pregnancy was making it. I was going to have a baby with my husband and give my daughter a brother or sister. I was able to follow my baby's growth each week with an ultrasound. I sang to my baby and my daughter kissed my tummy everyday. We were all so happy and excited. I became comfortable and stopped worrying that the pregnancy would end. I just knew this one would make it. I went for my 16th week checkup and everything g started normal. My belly was a good size and my weight was a t at good level. All was well. My doctor put the Doppler on my belly so we could hear the beautiful sound of my babies heartbeat. But, there was no sound. Nothing. So my doctor grabbed the ultrasound machine and once it came on, all we saw was a once spunky baby that moved around all over the place just sitting there motionless without a heartbeat. We were all shocked. In disbelief, devastated, confused. My doctor said, I don't see any cardiac activity. She began cry as I was already in tears. I nearly lost it that day. My beautiful daughter kept me going through this and told me to be positive and that the baby was OK. We left the office that day and had to sleep through a night until morning to get confirmation from the hospital. The next morning we received the news that our baby had passed away at 15 weeks, so for a whole week, my baby was gone before I found out. So being 15 weeks I wanted to give birth to my previous baby and so I did. I got to spend time with my baby and hold him or her. We will be finding out soon the sex of our baby so that we can put a name to our love angel. Our baby is being cremated and coming home with us. I have pictures that I look at everyday. My daughter and husband look at the pictures everyday as well. My sweet daughter tells me our baby is with us still and is looking down on us. Without my husband and daughter I don't know if I could handle this. My husband's sperm is misshapen and he has 3% good normal sperm so we think that is the problem. Of course on top of me needing progesterone and blood thinners. We will be seeing a specialist to have either an iui or ivf done. I pray that I will have a sweet baby. Once I have properly grieved the loss of my 15 week angel, we will try again. For now please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers as I will keep all of you in mine. Thank you for reading my story.


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