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Stories of Lost Children

Precious Rayne Alexia
by Stacey Thorn, Dyer, IN, U.S.A.

Rayne was born August 23, 2011. She was my miracle baby after ten years of trying. She seemed "normal" and had normal illnesses, ear infections, sore throat, cough, etc. At around 6 months old, Rayne was having problems keeping her formula down. At first, we thought it was a stomach bug and would pass, but then the vomiting would not stop. We thought it might be an allergy to the formula, so we tried every formula on the market, including the very special and expensive ones. Nothing could get her to stop vomiting. We took her to the ER where they started and IV to give her fluids and did a lot of lab work. They were so concerned that they called an ambulance and a Children's Hospital because they couldn't treat whatever it was that she had. After a few days in the children's hospital, all tests came back negative and we were sent home, but made to follow up in a week. The vomiting had stopped, but now her white blood cells were really high and she started spiking fevers. Within a month, the doctors said that they finally had a diagnosis for her-JMML or Juvenile Myelomonocytic Leukemia. The only cure was a stem cell transplant and she had a 50/50 shot that it would work and a 50/50 shot that it could progress to AML (an extremely aggressive cancer). We chose to give her a shot. She went through all of the prior testing and was hospitalized June 2011 to begin treatment. She had seven days of chemo, two days of rest and then received her stem cell transplant. Unfortunately, she fought for over a month before her body began shutting down. She coded in my arms, was taken to the ICU, where she was placed on a ventilator and then an oscillator to help her breathe. Once the docs felt that they had used every possible resource and technique to save her life, they told us that we had a choice to make. Rayne took her last breaths while in my arms on July 24, 2012. Tomorrow is her three year anniversary since her passing and the pain is still there like it happened yesterday. I don't know how to handle any of this. I am trying to be there for my other daughter, but I fear that I am failing her as I grieve for her sister. If anyone has any advice or help, please let me know. Thank you.


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