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Stories of Lost Children

Caleb's Cure Was Not Meant To Be
by Amanda, indianapolis, IN, U.S.A.

March 21st, 2000 was one of the happiest days of my life. I was about to graduate high school and I had just given birth to the most perfect son that God could've given me. I was young but i was determined. It was us against the world and nothing could get in the way. Or so I thought.

2 1/2 years later that all changed. Caleb kept getting sick. His father and I kept taking him to doctor after doctor and they all kept telling us the same thing. "Its a virus." Well this was not sitting well with me. While I was at work I had his father take him to the hospital to have blood work drawn. An hour later he calls me asking if I wasn’t Riley or St. Vincent's.

We were told on Christmas Eve of that year that our son had a tumor in his stomach the size of a football and we had to start chemotherapy immediately. He wa diagnosed with Stage IV Neuroblastoma.

To this day I still don't understand. Why Caleb? He was the only thing that ever made sense in my life. After 8 rounds of chemo, radiation, two surgeries to remove e the main tumor, stem-cell transplant, and experimental treatments through Sloan-Kettering, Caleb lost his battle. He was a month away from his 4th birthday.
When he died, most of me died too. It was February 18th, 2004 at 5:17 a.m., I woke up to find my son next to me. He was gone. It feels like it was yesterday. For that first few days I was in shock. I remember I wanted to make sure everyone else was okay, knowing all along that I was not.

Five years later, and I feel like someone has just pushed paused on my life. I can't move forward and I can't go back. I was his mother and I couldn't make the pain stop. I love him so much and I would do anything in world just to tell him that one more time. I don't know how to make the pain stop. And I am afraid it is going to destroy the family I have now.

Please God, help me.


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