Stories of Lost Children
My baby Gabriel
by Brittany, Oceanside, CA, USA
Some time in Janurary 2008 I had the feeling I was pregnant. I kind of wanted to have a baby, but then again I am only 18 at the time and I am not ready for one. I took the test and when my boyfriend and I found out I was shocked and very scared. He kept telling me that it would be okay. I was so terrified at what my dad would say because the same thing happend to him and he didn't want that life for me. He wanted me to go to college and get a career first. A month went by and finally I told my mom. She was so excited and I was so relieved. She then told my father (he doesn't live with us) and he was so upset. He didn't talk to me for 4 months. I started going to the doctors and getting more information about my pregnancy. I was so excited that only in nine months I would be having a child. I couldn't wait to hear the heart beat for the first time and when I did I bursted out in tears. I was amazed that there was a little baby growing inside of me. When my mom, boyfriend and I got to find out if it was a boy or girl we were so anxious. We found out we were having a boy. My boyfriend and I went to babies r us and registered we were so excited we also went to walmart and registered. I couldn't wait to start showing and I couldn't wait for my baby shower. We bought TONS of things for my baby Gabriel through out the months. I thought that October 12th (his due date) would never come. I was terrified yet excited. On September 27th 2008 my boyfriend and I went to church and they were talking about "when your world is upside down." It turns out I would soon have to face this. We went to breakfast and at 2 p.m. he had to go to work. He was also doing knock shift that night. So at about 8:00 p.m. I told my mom that I hadn't really felt Gabriel kick much that day, but I was feeling the tightning which I thought was him rolling around and she said "well try eating something sweet. So I did and nothing happend. I mean this baby was a kicker and !
I should have known earlier, but he usually kicked more at night. So we called the doctor and she told me to go the the hospital. I told my boyfriend, but of course he couldn't leave until he got a hold of someone to go in for him. My mom and I went to the maturnity ward and of course had to wait for 20 to 30 minutes. Finally we got taken back into a room and they asked me to change into the gown. I laid on the bed and the nurse was listening for the heart beat. We heard nothing for about 5 minutes while she searched for it she wasn't saying anything and my heart stoped and my mom looked like she was about to cry. She finally said that maybe he was hiding , turned around or something. So I belived her and felt relieved. She put a contraction monitor on me and she went to get the ultrasound machine. I felt my contractions and a pulse kind of feeling so I thought that was the baby kicking. My mom and I watched the contraction monitor and I was having a lot . We were thinking oh my goodness I might have him tonight. I was so scared, but very anxoius to see him. When another nurse and the doctor came in with the ultra sound she turned it on and they looked at him. I watched the doctors face and she said these exact words, "Oh this isn't looking good." "I am so sorry sweety there is no heart beat." I bursted out into tear with my mom and right when that happend my boyfriend walked through the door and knew what was wrong. I had Gabriel naturally 3 days later and he was the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. He was my first baby and he was taken away from me. I am so angry and not myself anymore I always wonder if I am ever going to be happy again. Sometimes I just feel like dying. I will always imagine what life would be like with him here, but will never know. It isn't fair and im so upset I dont know what to do and no one knows what to say to me. I have no one to talk to that went through this and I need someone! My boyfriend and I are constantly fighting and im so drained from all of this. Please if anyone that has gone through the same sort of situation please email me.
Thank you. marahsterling18@aol.com I Love You Gabriel Isaiah.
Mommy misses you so much! An angel wrote in the book of life
my babies date of birth, then whispered as she closed the book" to beautiful for earth"
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