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Zaynab, My Life
by Farah Ayub, Manchester, , England

Farah Ayub Manchester, UK.

My little girl Zaynab passed away on 9th January 08 on a Wednesday morning, 11 days after her 2nd birthday. She was such a beautiful girl, a proper human doll with curly brown hair and big light brown eyes. A big chubby face she had and always smiled and talked to people by calling them to catch their attention. Whenever I took her out to shopping or in her pram, people always stopped me to tell me how beautiful she was and she would become shy. She was born with a heart problem and had a few surgeries when she was small. She was getting better and no one could tell the slightest that she had any problems with her health. So full of energy who always wanted cuddles and always did as she was told. She never got in trouble because she was such a good child. She was perfect in every way. S he had lived and was loved by everyone in her short life but was given a lifetimes love.

We went to Hong Kong Disneyland last summer and she loved the hot weather and was very excited. She loved her holidays. She was photographed by so many people and all strangers who did not even know her. Like I said, she received a life time of love in just a few years!

On New Years Day my husband, my 7yr old son, Zaynab and I returned that night from London by car. The next day Zaynab developed a temperature in the early afternoon. I didn`t think nothing of it but she had never had a temperature. I just thought she was feeling a bit tired. I never used a thermometer even though I had one; I don`t know why. Well my kids were never sick. Thursday night I checked her temperature because she was singing songs at the top of her voice and seemed not with it. Her temperature was 39.4 so I gave her some medicine and took her to the doctors in the morning. Even having explained to the doctors that she was a patient at Pend. Hospital they sent us to another local one. By now, Zaynab had loose stools and was still hot. She was admitted to hospital on Friday 4th January and they just started poking her with needles to take blood. She continued to have high temperature and was given 2 meds. and a fan to cool her down. Even though I kept mentioning that I should have taken her to the other hospital because she was a heart patient, the docs said it was fine here. She was becoming more irritated and would not let any of her loved ones touch her. By Monday she was groaning and the doctor thought it was Meningitis. When they finally contacted her Cardiologist he came up with the correct diagnosis that she may have abscess on the brain. She was taken for a C.T. scan and he was totally correct. I couldn`t believe it but still confident that everything was going to be fine as my little girl was a tough person and the docs made out it was just a routine operation which was to be done on her to remove the puss from the top front of her head, so I thought nothing of it. She was transferred to Pend. Hospital that evening by ambulance, arrived at 9pm., operated at 12 midnight and out by 2am. Doctor said everything was OK.

Tuesday 8th January. She was in ICU and they wanted to send her to HDU as she was fine and recovering. She was still lying down on her right side, the position she had been since Wednesday 2nd January and looked the same too but obviously had an operation so was recovering. Tuesday night I spoke to her and asked her if she wanted to look in the mirror. She said ye and always said ye to everything! I showed her. Then later she was irrited but the nurse was busy writing up and didn`t look and another was reading a book. One nurse was too busy administering antibiotics into her foot. She was uncomfortable, but that was understandable because I was told that whenever the administered antibiotics, it would sting them so was painful. I sang to her and she went to sleep and left her at 1.45am.

Wednesday 9th January. I would have stayed with her a bit longer but she seemed fine so I thought I`d have an early night even though I went back to my room in the hospital and replied all the text messages I had received. I slept at 3am. 5am the nurse called me and said Zaynab was not settling. She was groaning by then and very uncomfortable. She was kicking her legs agitatedly and her lines in her feet started to give way. A dec. and SHO who were on night duty were looking in their medical books and one asked me is she normally like this. I was irritated by this question but replied "no" in a nice manner. Her mouth was dry and I wanted to make her mouth wet or even wet her lips but they said "no"; may want to do a scan. By seven they said she had infection in her lungs and her heart became swollen. She still had loose stools and became dehydrated. Things just speeded up. The docs were poking her everywhere with needles and she just got fed up and surrendered herself to them and stopped fighting. Her oxygen level started to drop very quickly and was given oxygen. At that time I looked into her eyes and said "Zaynab, Zaynab." She then just looked up and I could see her leaving me. She just got fed up and gave in. The doctor administered a tube into her throat to open her airways and said her heart may stop. It did. Many people were around her and I slouched over a chair in shock and was lifeless. It was 8am now they gave her CPR and were pushing their hands into her small body.

She came back and they took her straight to ICU. My husband had arrived by 8.45am and I couldn`t go to her bedside because my legs were not supporting me. I just sat in a chair nearby and cried begging God to give my little girl life. They brought her back 3 times but then said she was gone. I pleaded with them to try once more but they said that her heart was too weak. I held her in my arms near to by chest but there was no feeling. She was gone and I could not feel her anymore and I was in a lot of pain. My heart was broken and gone. No more pain, no more torture, sleeping peacefully and at peace.

I`ve been told that Prophet Abraham is sitting under a tree in heaven and looking after all our children. She is happy now. Under a shade of a tree in heaven and under the shade of a tree in the graveyard. How ironic. But its not getting any easier for me but just harder and harder and harder. She slept with me and we woke up together. I cooked and she would stand holding on to my legs. I never left her with anybody because she couldn`t stay without me or I without her. I try and spend my time reading about children who have passed away and their being in heaven. I have to be good to get myself up there too if I want to see her. And oh, do I want to see her again so desperately. I have absolutely nothing to do now because I spent all day with my darling. Have to occupy my time now and stay busy otherwise I just sit crying all day.


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