Stories of Lost Children
Our Little June Marie
by D.R., Orlando, FL, U.S.A.
Our little June Marie came into our lives quickly and left just as quickly. Nine months after my only son was born I found out I was pregnant again. From the start I knew in my heart that I was having a girl. Everything about my pregnancy seemed different from the last time. When I reached my 25th week of pregnancy things took a turn for the worst. I wasn't feeling at all well and I knew something was wrong. My husband rushed me to the emergency room and that's when we were told a heart beat could not be found. At first they told us it could just be that we are not as far along as we thought and that's the reason for not finding a heartbeat. After a variety of tests we were told that our Baby had died at 17 weeks of gestation. I was devasted, not only had our baby passed but she passed 8 weeks ago and we didn't even know. Everything hit me all at once that my baby was gone and I still carried her body around without knowing the wiser. Once I was admitted the doctors said they would induce labor until I was ready to push the baby out. Mid afternoon on 6/16/07 I felt nature calling me to the ladies room and I went. After a few seconds I began to feel my baby pouring out of me. I felt the head and shoulders pass through me when I began to scream and cry. Every nurse and doctor came running and suddenly knew what had occured when they opened the door. After being placed in my hospital bed and some hours had passed they asked if we had wanted to see our child. Of course we did and when they brought the baby to us I felt my tears falling down my cheeks. Not only did the baby have no chance in this life but we were told that our baby was a girl. Hearing that last bit of information hit me like a ton of bricks. The little girl I had always wanted was here laying in the palm of my hand lifeless. My world was shattering around me and I couldn't do anything but cry. Cry for the little girl I had lost and never really got to know. It hurts more and more with each passing day. An all consuming pain that has crippled me and I can't go on like before. I blame myself but we were clearly told that our baby girl had an abnormal placenta and was not growing right. Even though I know the truth I can't shake my feelings away. Our baby will never know how much we loved her. Every night I close my eyes and I see her lifeless body and I cry. I feel so empty inside and nothing I do or say can make the emptiness go away. I know I still have my son but no child can take the place of another.
Where ever you are my sweet baby girl know that I love you and I'm so sorry. Good night sweet angel, good night.
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