Stories of Lost Children
davey's wings
by Tabatha, cheraw, USA
It was November 20,2000 that my worst fears became real. I had been on maternity leave from work for a whole day. I was 38 weeks pregnant. I woke up that Sunday and noticed that my baby wasn't moving as much, but I ignored it because I was so tired. (I worked 7pm to 7am) That Monday, I decided to stop by the hospital where I work to get checked out before I went to the doctor. That is where it happened. The image of a perfectly still heart is forever embedded in my head. The ultrasound tech didn't have to say a word. I knew he was gone. On the way to my doctor, that image replayed over and over in my head. Anyway, at 9:45 pm, I gave birth to Davey. The doctor couldn't tell what had happened to him. I had had a perfect pregnancy. I just knew that when I pushed that last push to get him out, the doctor would be wrong and my baby would be ok. That didn't happen. That was two months ago. I have returned to work. The days come and go. Some good. A lot not so good. I'm learning to live somehow. I feel guilty if I'm happy. But, I'm trying to learn to be happy again. I believe that I have started the healing process....I was at work and a patient asked me if I had any children. Every other time, I burst into tears and find a place to hide. This time, I looked up at her smiled and said, "Yes ma'am, I have a two month old son. But he lives in heaven."
|
