Stories of Lost Children
My Chloe Angel
by Ashley, Puyallup, WA, U.S.A.
My daughter Chloe was born on December 20, 2004 and she died July 23, 2006. I will never forget that day. Just 2 months after I turned 21, I found out I was a month and a half pregnant. I was thrilled. I had been pregnant before at 19 but I was forced into an abortion. So I was so happy to be having a baby. I was very worried about the daddy because we had only been together for 6 months. He wasn't very receptive during the pregnancy but when that little girl was born oh my you would have thought he had waited his whole life for this from that day forward they were 2 peas in a pod! She was daddy's girl in all ways possible! On July 23 we all got up at about 8:30/9:00 and this was a Sunday so daddy was home from work and we all got daddy and Chloe took a shower and got ready to go run some errands. While he was getting dressed he brought her out to me to brush her beautiful white hair. I wish I would have known this would be the last time I got to brush her hair. While they were gone I did things around the house and just kind of hung out they got home at about 2:30 in the afternoon and she was asleep from the car ride daddy said that she hadn't taken a nap at all yet so we put her into her bed. At this time we were in the process of buying our first house so we were staying at his parent’s house so we were sharing a room with Chloe while she slept daddy and I laid down also. I woke up about and hour or so later and it was so hot it was our hottest day of the year here. So I said to daddy I’m going to go to the store and get a fan, we only had a small desk fan in that room and that was pointed at Chloe so she would stay cool. As I got up and went to leave Chloe made a funny noise while she was sleeping and I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at her. Well she went back to breathing just fine and I stood staring at her for it seemed like 10 minutes and she still continued to breathe just fine so I said ok and I left. Well I went to 6 different stores and everyone was sold out of fans but Penny had a sale so I went there looking at clothes and ended up buying an outfit and came home I was gone for about an hour. I came home and went into our bedroom and set down the things I had got and glanced and Chloe and she looked fine and Cory(her daddy) was sleeping on the bed next to her with his head at the end next to her crib(he always slept like this when I wasn't home). So I went out and was talking to his mom and went back into the room got the outfit showed his mom took it back into the room and went back out and was talking to his mom again. Then I looked at the clock it said 6:15 p.m. and I thought to myself, oh my gosh, she is still asleep! I have to get her up if she is ever going to go to bed tonight. So I walked into the room and I stopped as soon as I hit the doorway. I didn’t know why but I could just feel something wrong. Then I looked a Chloe she looked so peaceful. I walked slowly over to her and I knew before I even touched her. I tried to move her a little just to get a response, nothing, so I put my hand in front of her mouth and felt nothing. I then started looking for a pulse. I tried her neck wrist inside of her leg then her foot and when I still got nothing. I tickled her foot prying for some kind of movement anything still nothing so I then plugged her nose and covered her mouth there was nothing. I said to Cory, “something’s wrong” and I don’t even know how he heard me. I was so quiet but he jumped up and picked her up and when he picked her up she was limp. I grabbed the phone and called 911. Cory was frantic! He was trying to put her in the car to take her to the hospital but the 911 operator wanted me to do CPR on her. I hadn’t done CPR since I was 12 and babysitting all the time but it came right back. I kept telling 911 that there was no use for CPR she was gone. I hadn't lost it yet, it was so weird. I just went in this mode where I was going to be strong for her. I was going to help her and when they got her to the hospital everything was going to be ok. Well when they got there they ran in and grabbed her from me. I just fell to the floor. I wanted her back in my arms I’m the mommy I’m supposed to make it ok they took her and I to the hospital. Cory followed us in our car we got to the hospital and we had to do all the check in stuff then they took us to a private waiting room I knew that was bad about 5 minutes later the doctor came in and asked us if we wanted to be there when they stopped trying to bring her back. I swear I died that day with her. The next week was a blur we did the funeral and viewing then we took a trip together just to get away. 2 days before she had been gone for a month the detectives called us and asked us to come in they just wanted to give her something again to see if they could figure anything out. Well we went in and they took me back first and started asking me things about the day she died again and then I found out that the cause of death had been a methadone overdose. Her daddy Cory had had a problem with oxycodone and so he had been taking methadone to get off the oxycodone. Well then I found out that he had been lying and about a month before she died he had talked his doctor into switching to percacets. Then I also found out that the day she died, him and her had had gone to a "friend's" house. He had had a lapse and went to get oxycodone again. They then arrested him and they held him for 3 days then released him with no charges filed. So now I not only have to deal with losing my daughter but also decide if I can get through this with the only man I have ever loved. And please understand that in no way did he "kill her" yea he had her at the wrong place at the wrong time but I know he wouldn't had he known and that is the only reason I haven't killed him yet and he hates himself so much! He is going to classes now and is really trying to be clean and live a good life. He wants to redeem himself because he wants to see her again in heaven. If anyone else can help me I would love it. I’m trying to get into some grief classes and I’m going to look into getting a therapist. I just don’t know how life keeps going. My email is hotchick_19_01@yahoo.com
I miss you baby girl and I will see you in my dreams and one day. I will get to hold and play with you again. Mommy and daddy love you so much.
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