Stories of Lost Children
Baby Reese
by M., Bismarck, ND, U.S.A.
To be honest, when I first found out that I was pregnant, I was really scared even though I had been wanting to become pregnant for a while. But after thinking about all the things I would be able to do with my child, it made it so very exciting. When Reese was still in my belly, he liked to kick me all the time...and hard. My labor lasted 23 1/2 hours. My contractions were so strong and painful. When he finally came, the doctor put him on my chest for only a couple seconds because he was weezing pretty bad. I came to find out that one of his lungs was not fully expanded. So I wasn't able to hold him or feed him for the first 3 days of his life. Something I missed out on and can never get back. When we were able to take little Reese home, I was so nervous. I didn't know what to do with myself. Reese was such a great baby. He hardly ever cried and he was smiling within the first week of his birth. As he got a little older, his smile got bigger and he had just found his laugh. I really miss when I would walk into the room, he was in and his eyes caught mine, he would get this big grin on his little face. I miss him so much. The day Reese was taken from me I was at work, and because of that I feel I wasn't there to protect my baby. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. It hurts so bad. My heart has been ripped from my chest and shredded as if there was nothing there. And now I have to try and put it back together, which right now is not going to happen any time soon. It's been exactly 3 months today since my life took a change for the worst. He was only 4 1/2 months old. I pray to God to let me go to sleep and wake up with Reese in my arms. I just don't understand what I did so horrible in my life to deserve to lose a child; what has anyone done to deserve a life full of agonizing pain. It's not fair that good people lose their children and other people hurt them. Sorry, anyways, I just miss my baby boy so bad and everyday I find myself wondering why am I still here. I have lost my heart and my purpose. Even though I was only able to care for Reese a short time, being a mother was the only thing I needed in life. I pray I will be blessed with another life saver soon, real soon. My life is so incomplete right now that I just do not know what to do with myself anymore.
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