Stories of Lost Children
My Leya Bella
by Bianca Martinez, Pearland, TX, U.S.A.
Leya was a surprise pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant again after having my 3rd child which was a girl so 4 months later I was pregnant with Leya. I was surprised but happy. so was my husband. Leya was our fourth child. After going to the doctor he told me everything was OK. She was in fact a big baby. On the morning of February 4th I woke up bleeding and feeling terrible amounts of pressure. My husband drove to the hospital and I was given an ultrasound that said my baby was OK. My doctor came in and said I was going to deliver due to ruptured membranes so Leya was born 26wks early at 2lbs 1oz and 14in long. I heard her cry and they rushed her to the nursery to be transferred to the top NICU. All I had was a picture with my baby full of tubes but through all that, I saw her beauty to me and her father. She was gorgous. My aunt also played a very supportive role. I was separated from my daughter, my mind in turmoil; I was scared confused at how this could have happened. My husband was as lost as me. I was told she was a fighter and that she would pull through. She was fine she was being fed and she was gaining weight and growing beautifully. Then one night out of nowhere she caught an infection. They said she would be ok. From one day to the next my daugther's condition had worsened; she was a very tiny baby with lots of black hair. She had her fathers nose and she was my princess. She got really swollen to the point where she didn't look like my baby. On March third, we received a call that my baby was not doing well I went and picked up my aunt and my mom my husband called off work and told my mother in law our nightmare had begun. It was 7am and we were at the hospital not wanting to move and by the looks of everything that was a good choice. We called in a priest and had my baby baptized. I had planned to stay all night so my two aunts and my cousin stayed with me. I finally went home to catch a few hours sleep and camp out at the hospital yet again. I talked to the doctor and he told me that her chances of surving were slim and that she would live a very abnormal life due to bleeding in the brain and what looked like a sezure. My husband and I had to make the most difficult decision of our lives and had to decide if withholding life support from her was the best thing or let her continue to be in pain and being poked so. On March 4th we turned or the breathing machine and I held her until she took her last breath. As I sat there and held my tiny baby so much hatred and pain went through my body and my heart broke. My husband and I cried along with all the family members that had gathered in her room. She lived one month; One month that I thought would have flourished into many more as I grasp to accept that my beautiful baby is gone. My heart will not accept and anger and confusion go through my whole body. I miss her a lot and this is something I hope that I will never have to endure again, having to explain to my five year old son and have him look at his baby sister in a tiny white box and look at face so blank and have him feel anger towrds me. Having to look at the things that were being passed on to her from her big sister pains me to the core ALTHOUGH I HAVE 2 beautiful boys and one gogous little girl left. I still feel empty. I wish she was here. I loved her from the moment I saw her and every month that goes by I am forced to relive the pain my baby would of been 3mths on. May 4th, and I sit here empty handed with no baby. Nothing gives me comfort, my pain just grows and festers into anger. I can't stand to see a newborn baby. Only god could help me through this pain. I LOVE YOU LEYE BELLA
|
