Stories of Lost Children
I Failed As My Child's Advocate...
by Janice Yocum, Huntingdon, PA, U.S.A.
I have been feeling overpowered by the pain, sorrow, and anger...and I need to tell others about my loss. Dedicated to Bryce Alan Yocum
Born December 08, 2005
Received his wings December 10, 2005 I had a pretty good pregnancy, despite the constant nausea and heartburn, and edima up until my last two months when my blood pressure went way up, my hands,feet, ankles; everything swelled up. I was admitted and told to go home and take Benedryl to help me sleep, which by the way, was another problem, lack of sleep. I tried their advice, and didn't feel that it helped. In the next month I had complained of pelvic pressure and painful Braxton Hicks; it felt like labor, and things that I had never experienced with my other two pregnancies. They said "All pregnancies are different." I settled for their "reassurance" and went on my way. Except the pain and pressure just got worse. I continued to tell them repeatedly about the things I was feeling and that it didn't feel right to me. They did plenty of ultrasounds before all of these problems began to occur, even just for fun sometimes, but for some reason, they didn't think it was necessary to check me or the baby when there was an obvious need for concern. THEN, another problem occurred; he totally quit moving for a whole day. Thanksgiving day to be exact, and I felt like I was in labor except the "contractions" weren't consistent, nor did they last longer than 4 hours. They just went away, but he still wasn't moving until the next day. Then he began moving more and more until a few days later he was back to "his old self." I let them know about this, but they just said it was because he was running out of room. Did they check me at this point just to make sure???? NO. Then a few days later I started to notice a leaking feeling, even when I was urinating..but mostly when I was walking and turning from side to side in bed. I once AGAIN notified them of this, along with the fact that my pelvic pressure now included a splitting pain, and the Braxton hicks were twice as painful. "It's just discharge," they said. "the pain is from the baby being head down and the Braxton Hicks are normal." YEP, that was their assessment! What did they base these "facts" on? Why not a darn thing. Because they didn't even do a pelvic exam let alone an ultrasound. Amazing how they can now assess medical problems, without even looking at you. Technology is superb and beyond it's years (yes, I am being quite sarcastic). The leaking continued, little by little, but noticeably and the pain did not subside an ounce. I went in for my scheduled C-Section on the 8th, and was hooked up to the fetal monitor by 6:30am, I notified the nurse that my pelvic pain, which I had been experiencing for weeks, was twice as bad this particular day, and the pressure was nearly unbearable at times. The next time I felt this pressure and pain it turns out that my baby's heartbeat was dropping very low, so low in fact twice she could not find it. The one time she accidentally mistook my heartbeat for his, and then said, "oh, that's yours...." continued looking and found it again, after the pressure had subsided. She swore I was not having any contractions because the monitor said so but I HAVE been in labor before, and it sure as heck felt like it to me. So right, you must be thinking this surely must have prompted them to do something quick, like break out the ultrasound machine, check my cervix..or something, right??? Wrong. Supposedly they "notified" the doctor. But that was pointless considering I wasn't seen until it was time to go into the OR, at the scheduled time. So...they did the epidural and I just felt in my heart that something was wrong. My husband was there with me, we were excited, but I was terribly afraid and sure I had no reason for excitement. I was right. When the doctor was ready to cut open the uterus, he told me to expect a big gush of water. I waited, there was no gush, not even a trickle. When he finally got Bryce out, all I heard was silence. Noone was yelling "It's a boy!!"; Bryce wasn't crying, it was bitterly painful silence. Then I heard suctioning that was pretty normal so I didn't think anything of it. Until the pediatrician took over, and I heard an Ambu-Bag being pumped repeatedly....and Noone would tell me what was going on. Then for a brief second I heard him cry...it was weak, distant and not what I was expecting. I found out later that the doctor had to resuscitate him twice in the OR. Hence the sound of the Ambu-Bag being pumped. The doctors were obviously frantic and rushed out to take him to the nursery letting me see him real quick first. He stared right at me, almost reaching to me for help with his little blue eyes. I wanted to hold him so badly I wanted to make him better and let him know I loved him so much. It turns out that he was born with no fluid in the placenta, and meconium (bowl movement) in his lungs. He struggled for I don't know how long inside of me and I feel like I failed him for not speaking out more, or forcing them to do something at the doctor's office; he should still be here. He lived for two days, no thanks to the hospital he was born in. He was FINALLY life flighted, to a WONDERFUL Children's Hospital and they did everything in their power but the brain damage from lack of oxygen was too extensive and he was having seizure after seizure and his little liver and kidneys had failed. The hospital where he was born is NOT equipped to handle situations like this, and that was made clear in the beginning of my pregnancy. So why in the world did it take them from 8:32am until noon to figure out what to do with him??????? They knew they weren't able to provide him with the medical attention he needed, yet they couldn't decide sooner to at least intubate him so he would have at least gotten enough oxygen until the RIGHT people arrived, who by the way took his oxygen levels from 40 and below all the way to 100!! I know my story must seem randomly written and perhaps a little angry..or a lot angry...but I am newly bereaved and can't get my words to make sense. But what I want people to know, something that does make sense, especially to me now. Please Please Please be your own advocate, and for God's sake be the BEST advocate you can be for your baby/children. Get another opinion, go to a different hospital, doctor, etc. if you feel you are not being treated the way you should be and if you think something is wrong and they tell you otherwise, especially without even checking into it, then You are
probably right and need to speak up, stand your ground and make sure someone does something! I lost my child because I didn't stand up for him or myself, and I let the "professionals" use their "education" and knowhow convince me that I must be paranoid or just exaggerating. I wasn't, and if you're experiencing similar issues, you're probably not either. You are the only one who can get them to listen; your baby needs you to speak for him and stand up for him, so Please don't forget my story and I hope and pray that this will prevent at LEAST one more tragedy. The loss of a child is unbearable, inconceivable, and downright the worst thing imaginable.
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