Stories of Lost Children
Missing my little Daphne
by Gillian G. Balasia, Quezon City, Philippines
We lost our baby Colleen Daphne on her due date due to cord coil. She was
due on August 14th, 2000, and by August 12th, I was already in the hospital
complaining that her movement was quite disturbing, since we had been
monitoring her contractions and breathing. In her 38th week ultrasound, they
detected a cord coil, but our doctor said that we didn't need to worry
because she had seen similar cases where babies have had even 3 cord coils
around their necks, and survived.
We were asked to come back on August 14th, 2000, and if my cervix was still
1 cm then labour would be induced. My husband and I were very excited,
since we had been buying baby clothes, feeding bottles, and my brothers and
sisters even bought us a playpen, a stroller, and a digital video camera. We
even had our room renovated, and bought the safest paint, so there won't be
any bad fumes. My in-laws even gave me a baby shower, and bought us gifts
for the baby.
Everything was ready for her, when all of a sudden when we went back to the
hospital because of a brownish discharge. The nurses and interns were all
quiet. Their faces showed that they knew there was a problem with the baby.
I was so afraid to ask, because I didn't want to hear bad news.
But when the doctor came and asked me to undergo an ultrasound, they
explained to us that there was no heartbeat or fetal movement.
I died that minute. I asked God "Why of all people, why of all babies, and
why did it have to happen to me?"
I didn't have any strength anymore to curse the people around me, because I
felt betrayed. It was like making someone know how it feels to be a mother,
but when it was the right time for me to gave birth, it was returned back to
it's original owner.
Now, every time people ask me what happened, I die every time. I would
narrate and remember everything that happened. I'm still hoping that one day
I'll be able to accept what happened, and I won't blame anyone for the loss
of our angel.
Sometimes I would think of how happy we would be to have our first-born
celebrating Christmas with us. We are just hoping next year that the Lord
would grant us another child, and this time He will give him or her to us. I
truly miss my little Daphne, especially her little kicks and jabs.
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