Stories of Lost Children
He Was Perfect To Me
by Niccole, Moon Township, PA, U.S.A.
Alexander passed away on September 18, 2005, he was 16 years old. As a single parent it was hard raising a son with severe cerebral palsy. When Alex was born, he was not breathing, the doctors intubated him and on the third day, he started breathing on his own. It was unexpected and quite miraculous. I was told that there would be "problems" due to the lack of oxygen during his fight for life. And there were many "problems". Alex never walked or talked, but he always smiled. Eventually he had to have a feeding tube, but he always smiled. He had rods put in his back to straighten him out, but he always smiled. His spine eventually twisted around the rods creating a difficulty to breathe, but he always smiled. He came home from school on a Friday with what seemed to be a cold. By Sunday, he was limp like a rag doll, clammy, and his breathing was "different" somehow. He only smiled once that morning and I knew... I knew. When he stopped breathing, instinct drove me to start CPR and as hysterical as I was, I stopped for a moment and said "I love you so much, it's o.k. if you have to go now." I kissed his face over and over telling him how much I loved him, I searced his face for a tiny glimpse of one more smile, I just wanted one more smile, but he was gone. Alex died two weeks before my wedding. 16 years of sacrifice, 16 years of wheelchairs and equipment, 16 years of medications and supplies, 16 years of learning patience and understanding, 16 years of searching for strength and inner peace, the best 16 years of my life.
Alex was so strong for all those years and I loved him with all my heart. He was all that I ever knew. I will miss his smile, what a great smile, ear to ear... what a great smile! I was blessed to have had a "special child". He may not have been perfect by any other standards, but he was perfect to me. I love you Alex and I miss you so much!
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