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Baby Leo, God's Child For Now
by Anonymous, , ,

June 13th 2005. My parents left for holiday for 2 weeks, me and my boyfriend Leon with a whole empty house and our 34 week baby in my tummy, waiting to come out.

4 days later im huddled on the sofa with a tummy ache. Im phoning my grandmother to get something for my awful pain "must be that burger I ate last night"

4 hours later I'm in hospital with 'food poisioning'

Minutes later I'm having the monitors on me, checking for baby Leo's heart beat. How strong it sounds.

Next day,im having a scan. Me and Leon are so excited by now just to see if we can notice our baby's parts to see if we can figure out if we are having a little girl or boy. But theres nothing? The doctor brings in a more advanced Ultra-Scan machine.... still nothing....But there must be a mistake? We heard our baby's heart beat just last night??

Thats the story of how our little baby was taken away from us... in just 24 hours. They tell me now that the heartbeat we heard that night was never Baby Leos, it was mine because I was so ill that night my heartbeat was going the same rate as a baby's, which was supposed to be my baby's.

They also told me my baby had died 3 or 4 days before.
The morning i gave birth to baby Leo I never heard his cry, never held him 'skin to skin' but I did feel his tiny little leg on mine... that feeling will never leave me.

People say " your only 20, you have your whole life ahead of you" and "there will be more"

But the only one I want is my little baby Leo. The only feeling I ever had from him was his tiny leg on mine. Like I say, that feeling will never leave me.. but Ii wish I could have that feeling again... just once more...

My Mother was never there with me and Leon when I gave birth, she arrived an hour later... she tells me that she wont ever get over that guilt, I guess thats what you call maternal feeling. But I won't ever beable to be there for my little baby Leo, he's with god for now.



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