Stories of Lost Children
Our son, Kirk Paul
by Marilyn Kottke, Port Austin, MI, U.S.A.
Hi, my name is Marilyn and I'm Kirk's mom. I remember the day he was born and I finally held him close to my heart. I had to wait for 24 hours to do that as they said he had to be on oxygen for 24 hours as his breathing wasn't quite up to their standards. If only I had known then that he had a bad valve but those things weren't that advanced then. Kirk had the typical childhood and grew into a handsome young teenager. He had his share of girlfriends but waited til his twenty's before he thought he had found "Miss Right". How wrong he was. The only good thing that came out of the marriage was a beautiful baby boy named Luke Paul. Blonde hair like his dad and big brown eyes like his mother. Kirk's marriage didn't last to long and she had a drinking problem and an unfaithful tendency to boot. Kirk ended up with custody of Luke and they went their way and she her way. Kirk had a brief relationship which ended up with a baby girl named Chloe. A real show stopper, curly blonde hair, big blue eyes and the spitting image of Kirk. He didn't find out bout Chloe until she was 7 months old. How he loved her and Luke. Kirk never found out that he had a bad valve until he was in his late 20's when he went for a routine examination. That doctor felt that he needed a replacement right then so sent him to a specialist. From there, started a whirlwind of doctors, all telling him that he had 5 years before he needed the replacement. In the meantime, Kirk met the love of his life. Her name was Sherry and they had 3 wonderful years together. Then on a family vacation when we went to North Carolina, Kirk had an attack where he couldn't breathe after physical exhertion. He was able to come out of it with help from us telling him to try to take a deep breath and telling him he would be ok. We called an ambulance and they took him to a emergency clinic where that doctor wanted him to see a specialist down there. Kirk said he'd rather come home and see one here in Michigan. As soon as we all got home,he made an appointment with his family doctor who put him in touch with a cardiologist. He had a heart catherization 2 weeks later. That doctor told him that he had 2 years before he needed the operation. The other doctors told him years earlier that he had 5 years which would have put the surgery at 2004. The surgeon also told him he didn't need to watch his activities. The weekend that everything fell apart was Labor Day 2004. We have always had a campout as a tribute to the end of summer. It was held at our home in the upper thumb of Michigan. Kirk was a very emotional person who wore his heart on his sleeve for all. Well, when they arrived, I looked at him and thoughtI should go to him and get my hug and kiss. Things were rather hectic with everyone arriving and I didn't get that kiss or hug. Kirk had a bad habit of putting things off, he was going to have papers drawn up in case something should happen to him that would make us legal guardians. The day he passed, we had had a discussion about getting things in order. We were all sitting around the campfire that evening when he said to me "Mom, I have been thinking about our talk and the first thing I'm going to do is see that lawyer to get my stuff in order." I told him I was so glad he made that decision. I can remember seeing him and Sherry and the baby Chloe, sitting in that swing. To this day, I can't stand to look at that swing. Shortly after that, he and Sherry took a walk down by the Lake. Sherry said that was so nice to just sit and talk with him. On the way back she remembered she had left her holder for keeping pop or what ever where they were sitting. Kirk told her that he'd go get it. He was running back to her when he collapsed and said I can't breathe. She ran to a restaurant/bar establishment for help. When I heard that ambulance and saw it go by our house, I had a very bad feeling. Shortly after, a phone call came saying to get down the the restaurant as there was an emergency. When we got there, I saw him laying on the ground with paramedics working on him. Bystanders kept me from going to him which I will never be able to forgive them for that. My husband pushed his way through and went to Kirk. He kept telling him to hang in there. He was still breathing when they put him in the ambulance. I will never forget that scene as long as I live, seeing him laying there and not being able to go to him. His son Luke was frightened and leaning against the building. Richard went to Luke and put him in the truck. We were off to the hospital. When we arrived, the nurse asked if we were family and we said "yes". She told us to come with her. I thought we were going in to see KIrk. When we passed by the room that he was in, I got a real bad feeling. I asked her is he was going to be ok and she told me no. that's when I collapsed. The shock and grief took over and everything after that was like a movie, not really happening. When I saw him in that casket, I felt like this is it, it's over, my son is gone. The fureral and visitation times went by so fast and I can remember how we behaved, just like trained monkeys. It still seems like a bad dream to me. I get through each day one at a time. Some days are good, some are bad. He loved life and lived it like there was no tomorrow. He fished, played pool, camped, hunted, and loved to participate in re-enactments of the civil war. He loved deep and played hard. His dreams were to get a trophy buck, he did that, a huge 9 point. Another thing he wanted was a nice truck like his dad's. He got that the March before his death. He was working on his hotrod pickup getting it ready for the cruise down woodward avenue. He wanted to get married again. Didn't happen. He was a Detroit Red Wings fan and watched all their games. Even got to go to a couple of them. His dad is keeping the dream of getting the hotrod truck alive by working on it. That dream will come alive I know that. Just will take time and money but in Kirk's memory it will be worth every cent it takes. Kirk, I will love you forever, you will always be in my heart. Love, your Mom, Marilyn
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