Stories of Lost Children
I'm Not O.K......And That's O.K. For Now
by Jamie Dawson, Watauga, TX, U.S.A.
Missing my baby Maggie who was born and died October 24, 2002 at 17.5 weeks gestation and her other little angel siblings.
My husband and I argue sometimes because he says that I should not be so sad so much anymore. He says that I should feel blessed that I got to hold my daughter and her last moments were spent with me. I do feel incredibly blessed to have been chosen as her mother, but I am sad, and I am not o.k. all of the time, and I can't be right now. I'm not o.k. with the fact that I have to go decorate my daughters grave with Easter decorations instead of taking her on an egg hunt. I'm not o.k. with the fact that every time I go to "talk" to my baby that the workers have taken it upon themselves to throw her things in the garbage. I'm not o.k. with the fact that I'm tired of healthy babies going home with healthy mothers, and I'm not o.k. with being that mean spirited person that feels this way, because that's not the kind of person I am. I'm not o.k. with spending some days praying for peace and others praying for death. I'm not o.k. all of the time and I may never be completely o.k. again. And you know what? That's O.K. Jamie
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