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Stories of Lost Children

Our Little Angel
by Christina, Red Boiling Springs, TN, U.S.A.

I went for my check-up when I was 14 weeks 3 days and the doctor came in the room and asked me how I was doing. I told him that I was sick and this pregnany was so much different than my other 3 that I was scared that something didn't feel right. He layed me back to mesure me and listen to the baby's heartbeat. When he measured, he got a strange look on his face that i didn't like but then I thought to myself, "well he will get a better look when we hear the heartbeat for the first time." In the office he put the doppler on my stomach and begun the search. Then he got that same strange look on his face again. I remember looking at my mom with tears in my eyes and shaking my head and whispering under my breath that something wasn't right, something was wrong. After about 15 minutes of searching, my whole world felt like it had been pulled out from under me. "Sorry" he said, "I am going to have to send you for a ultrasound. No fetal heart tones can be found."

On tne way home I felt so numb inside but my mom kept saying "don't worry everthing is alright." I just kept thinking "no it isn't; things havn't really been right from the start of this pregnancy." When i got home that night, I prayed to god, "please let our little angel be fine" but a part of me felt empty like the prayer was useless; that our baby Freedom had gone gone to heaven to be with god.

The next morning, I hugged my husband before he left for work and I told him that I was so afraid of what was going to be found on the ultrasound. Me and my mom went to the hosptial. I layed back in the bed in the room as the tech poured the jelly on my belly. She explained that this was a limited ultrasound. She couldn't answer any questions and no pictures or video. I couldn't be mad as my eyes begun to fill with tears as she started scanning my belly. I knew deep in my heart that my baby was gone. In about 30 minutes the test was done. She left the room for about 15 minutes. Then she came back with a man dressed in brown and my heart just sank and i began to cry. I said "what is going on" and the tech said "sorry sweety, the baby is gone. No heartbeat could be seen and no movement detected; the baby had been dead for about two days." I felt like someone had stuck a knife in my heart and begun to turn it. That is how bad the pain felt inside. I went for my d&c that afternoon and I remember my husband saying "don't worry, she is safe knowing no sickness and no saddness. She is crying tears of joy because she is in heaven now." The reason he said she was crying tears of joy is because it was raining that day and that was her way of saying "I am OK mommy."

We love and miss our baby Freedom but you are safe in the arms of the Lord now.

Love Mommy, Daddy, Samantha, Autumn, and Michael


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