Stories of Lost Children
Goodbye Baby, Hello One Day
by Debbie Frank, Venice, FL, U.S.A.
On March 5th, 2004 at 19 weeks pregnant, my husband and I lost our baby. In the weeks prior we learned the baby had a random genetic disorder called "triploidy." At that time, I had never even heard the word “triploidy” nor did know much about genetic birth disorders, aside from down syndrome. Later I learned that a triploidy baby has a complete extra set of chromosomes; instead of having forty-six chromosomes, one set of twenty-three from each parent, a person with triploidy has sixty-nine chromosomes. The worst of the news being that most triploidy babies are miscarried or die within a few hours or days after birth. The underlying fear that my baby was not healthy or was not going to make it to term surfaced and all I could think was “why is this happening to me?” The doctors informed me that I did not cause triploidy to happen; triploidy is thought to be a random occurrence with the population risk being one in fifty thousand and the recurrence risk remaining the same as the population risk. Yet as humans we tend to think in terms of cause and effect, carrying a need to attribute blame or assume guilt. So while I was comforted by the medical analysis I still had to make sense of what was happening, and come to terms with the actuality of delivering a baby, my baby, at only 19 weeks pregnant. I have always been of the belief that everything in life happens for a reason and believe that God is the author of life. So believing that God allowed this to happen I have felt unworthy, like that child was a sacrifice teaching my husband and I the value of life. Out of this experience, in memory of my baby Jordan, I wrote the following story addressing the loss of an unborn baby from a child's perspective. I envision the story as a picture book to help children and parents talk about the loss of a sibling and it is a voice for my grief. Thank you for giving me a place to share. GOODBYE BABY, HELLO ONE DAY Guess what I just heard? My Aunt Jenny is going to have a baby! Wow, a baby, a little cousin for me to play with. I am telling my dad, my teacher, and all of my friends, “Hey, my aunt is having a baby!” Finally someone in the family is going to be younger and smaller than me. I can hardly wait till that baby is here. I wonder when I will see Aunt Jenny. Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten days went by, it seemed like forever. Then one day, just when I stopped counting, my mom said that we were eating dinner with Aunt Jenny. Finally I can see if Aunt Jenny’s belly is getting bigger because of the baby. There is Aunt Jenny, but wait her belly is not big. How can this be? Someone please explain this to me. After dinner mom said, “The baby is still very small and it is just beginning to grow inside Aunt Jenny. It takes nine months for a baby to grow and be ready to come out of the belly. Aunt Jenny’s baby still has seven months before it is ready to be born.” Seven months, that is a long time away but there is so much to think about. I wonder if the baby is a boy or a girl. I hope it is a girl, no a boy, oh either way I am going to be Aunt Jenny’s big helper. I already go to school, play with our dog Tommy, and clean my room. I wonder what the baby’s name will be. Wait. Hold on. The phone is ringing. Yes! Aunt Jenny is on the phone. It has been forever since mom and I ate dinner with Aunt Jenny. Mom is talking with her now but something does not seem right. Mom is asking if the baby is all right. Now she is walking out of the room so I cannot hear her. I do not know what is happening but I have seen that look on mom’s face before. Something is wrong. Mom hung up the phone then walked over to me and said that Aunt Jenny has to have some tests done to make sure the baby is ok. Now I really do not know what is going on, and I am a little scared. What could be wrong with the baby? For the next few days mom called Aunt Jenny to find out if she was ok. Sometimes Aunt Jenny did not answer the phone and other times she did. Then one day Grandma called and said, “Aunt Jenny is in the hospital.” The next thing I knew Grandma was on an airplane coming to see Aunt Jenny, mom and me. Now I am really scared and sad because something is definitely wrong. When I went to bed that night I said an extra special prayer and asked God to take care of Aunt Jenny and the baby. When I woke up in the morning my mom came into my
room and sat on my bed. She said that the baby is now in heaven, and that the baby’s heart stopped beating. There was nothing Aunt Jenny or the Doctor could do. When Mom, Grandma and I went to see Aunt Jenny we all hugged and cried. Grandma said, “It is ok to cry. We will all cry together.” Mom said I can ask her anything I want about what happened to Aunt Jenny and the baby. Grandma smiled and said, “One day we will see the baby in heaven.” I think that God sure is lucky to get to take care of that baby even though I am not sure if I really understand what happened. All I know is that sometimes, not always, but sometimes babies go to heaven instead of growing up like you and me. So even though today we are saying goodbye baby, one day we will say hello.
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