Stories of Lost Children
My Little Angel
by C.K., Simcoe, Ontario, Canada
I was just 17 years old when I found out I was pregnant. Even though I was scared, I was very excited. Almost 5 months into my pregnancy, the doctors found something in the ultrasound. I knew it wasn't something good and I wanted to die when I found out my baby had hydrocephalus (water on the brain). My boyfriend and I found out it was a boy and it was as if we forgot what we had been told. We found out that the baby would die at birth or be majorly brain damaged, so I had to make the choice to terminate the pregnancy. I was in love with my little boy, I didn't want to lose him, but I had to do what was best for him- terminate the pregnancy. About a week after the decision had been made, the procedure was done. June 27th, 1995. The proudest and hardest day of my life. My pride came when I got to hold my beautiful son. He wasn't alive, but he looked very peaceful and happy. He was the best looking boy I had ever seen. He was perfection in my eyes, even though he wasn't totally developed. I smiled as I held him and my mom and boyfriend looked on, crying. The night before he died, I sang to him and it was the first time I felt him inside me. At first I was angry at God, but now I know the treasures in life he has given me and holding my little Nathan was one of them. Nathan is now looking down from Heaven and watching over his two sisters, Alicia Kirsten Renee and Brittany Elizabeth Belle. I'm sure he is very proud of them.
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