Stories of Lost Children
Dear Nicole Stiffler
by Jason and Amy, Oshawa, Ontario, Canada
We lost our firstborn, his funeral was this past Christmas eve. His death was unexpected and needless to say, tragic. I am crying now and I know not what else to say except I love you, and your child did too. Your Child will always be a part of you, the memories you had of your child were shared experiences - your young child will have memories of you. Our child was amazed with the moon; my wife remembers the time in our life when the moon was prevalent - during our pregnancy. We often talked about it and sat up looking at it. When our son Erek was born and soon after, he showed an interest and curiosity in the moon unparalleled by any other interest he had. One of his first formed sentences was at 2:30 am one morning when he woke me up to say "daddy a baby a outside....MOOOON!" He was only around 1, yet he found a way to communicate something that we hadn't really talked of since the night of his delivery when my wife focussed on the moon to take her mind off the pain until we arrived at the hospital. After his birth, the need for sleep replaced our hobby of moonwatching. Yet Erek, I can only believe, had memories from early on.
Again you loved your child, your child felt it and loved you right back...and your child remembers this, for it is one of the biggest memories your child had - the memory of the feeling of your love. Your child will remember you and you will share that love again with you. And right now your child is loving you - from afar and differently then most are used to, I am sure your child wants you to feel loved and be OK. I am no expert, only experienced; thoughts can never rationalize feelings, that is why we have two different languages - head and heart. You will have feelings and it is important to have them. I will share with you one thought on feelings from my experience. I loved my son, when he passed from this world I was frustrated and disoriented - and still am sometimes - this frustration led to sadness and anger and for me I realized that it was partly due to the fact that I felt Love for my child and had no where to put it - at least in the way I was used to. My love became my grief through sadness and frustration. I even felt evil, to allow the turning of the precious love I held for my child into negative destructive emotions - I do not know the right answers - I do know Love is important and life giving and life is more than what we know. Blessings (Erek@rogers.com)
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