Stories of Lost Children
My Little Angel
by Paula Mason, Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
My son was born a healthy 10lbs. I had no complications. He was perfect. At about 3-4 mths of age I started noticing his breathing was very laboured when he slept. He always had a runny nose. He seen many doctors saying he could be allergic to something. He had been prescribed many antibiotics over the course of his short life. He had tubes put in his ears at 17 months because of re-occuring ear infections. One morning at 20 mths of age everything changed in my life. Kaden my son, had not been feeling well for the last week. We had been to the doctor Friday to get antibiotics for a throat infection, which the doctor took a swab for thinking it might be streph. He started taking penicillin first time ever, he hated it; he would spit it right back out for the next 2 days. Monday I made sure that he took it all. Monday night was same routine bath by 7 bed by 8 for my 2 boys. About 1 that morning he started to cough and throw up. We got up and cleaned everything up had a drink went back to bed. At 7 the next morning my husband woke me up, to get ready for the day. My 6 year old would be getting up at 7:30 to get ready for school. They sleep togeather in the same bed. So I got him up quietly not to wake Kaden because he hadn't been feeling well. At about 8:15 I went and checked on him again 8:30 I got Matt ready to go to school. After getting him out the door, I went to check on Kaden again about 9:15 he was still snoring away, you could always hear him breathing. The next time I went to check on him was 9:45 I was going to get him up, so playfully I went to wake him, I knew something was wrong. He was quiet. I lifted his arm to pick him up and he was limp. I grabbed him in my arms, screaming his name over and over again and I couldn't keep his head on my shoulder. I was dialing 911 and I had to go lay him on the couch. We did all the steps the were telling me to do but there was no response. Before I knew it the ambulance was there taking over. That was the last time I held my baby boy. It has been 10 months since that day and it feels like yesterday. I have no answers for my sons death. Autopsy came back "undetermined"; too old for SIDS. He just stopped breathing. He was a perfect little boy and he is gone. I don't understand and I don't accept it. Why does an otherwise healthy child just die in his sleep? I need answers before I can move on. I need to know I did everything I could to find this out. Then maybe I can go on. This is a poem I wrote for son: To my Little Angel: Nothing is the same, it never will be again. A part of me was lost, the last time I screamed your name. I must restart my life again without you in my arms. But be sure you'll never leave my heart. I know your with me everyday & everywhere; I smell you with me in the air. The hardest thing I've had to do is say goodbye for now to you. I LOVE YOU MY little Angel Mommy I miss you everyday.
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