Stories of Lost Children
Sweet John
by Lynne, Cleveland, OH, U.S.A.
Our triplet sons were born August 30, 2002, about nine weeks premature. I was very upset that they had been born so early since I was doing everything I knew how to keep them safe inside. They were in the NICU for five weeks, but finally, in early October, Timothy, Kevin, and John were all home with us! They thrived and we were ecstatic, though very tired. They were on monitors and some special medications for a while, but were doing wonderfully. By late January they were all off monitors and weren't on any meds. Their doctors and nurses constantly told us they were doing "awesome." We were overjoyed as they developed their own personalities -- so quick to laugh and smile, or even get grouchy at times. We spent the entire winter in the house so they would not be exposed to any viruses. Finally, on Good Friday, I ventured out with our two older daughters and the boys to the mall for a visit with the Easter Bunny. It was our first trip out. We had so much fun.
Two days later, on Easter, our whole family went to church for the first time. Several hours later, I went to check on John and found him blue. He couldn't be resucitated. They have told us he died of SIDS -- at eight months old. They couldn't find a thing wrong with him, but have said that they think that SIDS is a central nervous system disorder. I am still in complete disbelief. I am blessed with four other children whom I adore, but none of them is my sweet John, the youngest of them all. Despite the activity in our home, he has left a void so large I can't stand it. My heart aches. I will live for my other children, but I will never be complete. I want so much to believe that John is in Heaven and that I will spend eternity with him. Right now I just feel so empty and sad. If anyone has lost an "older" infant to SIDS, I would love to hear from you. I feel like I failed John. I want him here so much. lgreer123@yahoo.com. Lynne
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