Stories of Lost Children
Lucas
by Jennifer Alden, Petaluma, CA, U.S.A.
Glen and I were so excited. At our 20 week ultrasound we found out we were going to have a baby boy. We named him Lucas. He kicked constantly and we talked and sang to him. At 28 weeks I went in for another ultrasound to check my cervix to make sure it wasn't getting shorter (it was on the short side to begin with). It was the same length, but the tech said the baby was only measuring 24 weeks. The next Monday, the one before Thanksgiving, we were sent to UCSF for another ultrasound to see what was happening. The doctor told us the baby wasn't swallowing and probably had Downs Syndrome. We were devasted but knew we would love him no matter what. We immediately had an amnio to see if he did have Downs. We would have to wait 14 days for the results. The next few days Lucas did not kick and I thought all the tests had worn him out. I called the doctor after 5 days and went to the hospital for a non-stress test. There was not heartbeat. Lucas had died. I was induced and gave birth to Lucas, 1 lb. 9 oz. He was perfect, no Downs Syndrome. Nobody knows what happened. I blame myself for not calling the doctor sooner after not feeling him kick. I love Lucas so much, I don't know how I can live without him. I know someday I will have another child, but Lucas will always be my first. He will live forever in our hearts. I need to talk to someone who has lost a baby. Someone who understands the pain. Jennifer
jenandglen@earthlink.net
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