Stories of Lost Children
My Precious Baby Michael
by C.G., Dresden, TN, U.S.A.
I was so excited I found out I was pregnant on Mother's Day in 1998. My baby's due date was on my birthday January 10 1999. My husband and I had 3 year old daughter and always wanted a son. My dad always wanted to have a son or a grandson. So deep inside I felt like I was going to bring the first boy in the family. I had already named my unborn child Michael. All through my pregnancy I felt like something wasn't right but I put it out of my head. When I was 5 months I found out that my baby was definitely a boy. My mom and husband were in the room with me. Then they also told me that one of my son's kidneys was enlarged. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. They told me not to worry it could be something simple. I could not help but to worry. I had to start going to Nashville every week for ultrasounds. Nashville was 3 hours from where I lived. On my first visit they told me they believed his enlarged kidney wasn't functioning. They told me not to worry that a child could live with one kidney. They said they wanted me to carry him as long as I could. They said they would watch the levels of my amniotic fluid and it decreased it meant his kidneys had shut down. I went into very deep depression fearing I would lose my precious son. I went to get a second opionion. They told me something totally different. They said his enlarged kidney was still functioning but the other had cysts on it and could not possiably function. I was totally confused and very scared. He also told me he thought my son my have Down's Syndrome because he had so many health problems. The doctor asked me if I wanted to abort him. I was 7 months pregnant and I told him God gave this baby and would not murder him. I felt God gave this boy for a reason no matter what his health problems were. I decided to keep my son and love him no matter what. Well I went back to Nashville and they still told me different. The only reason I still went to them is because they did ultrasound every week. The other doctor told me every 6 weeks. I knew I had to get ultrasounds regularly to check his amniotic fluid. I went to Nashville on November 17, 1998 for my regular check-up. They told me that I had no amniotic fluid at all. They asked if my water broke or if I leaked water. I told him that I haven't. I couldn't understand where my amniotic fluid went. They told me they had to take him the next day. I was so scared and upset. My son was born on Nov 18, 1998 at 11:47 am. He weighed 5 lbs and was 17 in long. He didn't cry, just grunted. They let me hold him for a minute. My son looked at me and gave me the biggest smile. Then the took him to the neonatel unit. We went up there and talked to the doctor. He told us that our son was born with hypoplastic lungs and renal problems. They gave him a steriod shot for his lungs and they developed. I was so happy and had hope. They said his kidney's were still not functioning. They shocked them and everything but nothing seemed to work. They decided to take him off the machines. They told us we would have to carry our son home to die. I was shocked and confused. They gave us a room for the night. I held my son all night and sang to him. I told him how much I loved him. My son was in a lot of pain. I got him baptized and then his pain left him. That's when I believed in God's power. My son passed away an hour later from an GI bleed. Watching my baby boy take his last breath was the toughest day of my life. I felt like a part of me died with him. I was mad at God for a long time. I have 2 miscarraiges since my son. I am still trying to have another baby. I just hope God with bless me with another baby. It has been 4 years now. It is still very hard for my husband, my 7 year old daughter and I. I do not fear death; I look forward to it so I can be with my little angel again.
|
