Stories of Lost Children
Years of Love - Lifetime of Guilt
by Lori, FM, Iowa, U.S.A.
I lost my beautiful, blonde haired, blue-eyed, 8 year old son, Brandon ("B")on Feb. 23, 2002 due to an actute asthma attack. Brandon had battled asthma his whole short life. On the night it happened I had decided to go out and see a play with a friend and left Brandon and his 11 year old sister Shelby with a babysitter. This is the first time my kids had ever been left in the evening with a sitter. Brandon had had a breathing treatment earlier in the day but was fine all afternoon. I left to go to the play at 7 p.m. in a town approximately 20 miles away. Right after intermission of the play at approximately 10pm I saw a police officer walk in. My heart sunk. The police officer walked over to a woman and spoke to her then walked out. I thought to myself, "thank god." The play continued for another 45 minutes and the cast came out and took their bows. At that time someone from the cast said, "If everyone would please stay seated, we have a police officer who needs to make an announcement." My heart sunk again. The police officer said, "Is there a Lori Scott here?" I jumped out of my seat and ran over to him. He said, "Do you have an 8 year old son?" I said, "yes." He said, "He's in the hospital." I said, "why didn't you interrupt the play?" He just stared at me. I jumped in my car and drove back to my town and out to the hospital. Brandon was hospitalized at least twice a year for his asthma so I was not that worried. They usually gave him a breathing treatment with oxygen and started him on a solu-medrol IV and he would come home in 2 days. As I drove up to the hospital I saw some of my family members standing outside. I got out of the car and started screaming, "what are you doing standing out here? How is Brandon?" They all just stood there. It still didn't dawn on me. My sister stepped forward and said, "Lori, he's gone." I said, "What?? What the hell happened? Where is he? I want to see him." I was just numb. No tears no nothing. I calmly walked into the ER and my sister took me into the room where he was laying on a stretcher. The intibation tube still in his mouth. He had a bluish-grey cast to him. I just looked down at him. I didn't touch him, I just stared at him, then my legs gave out. They got me a wheelchair and I started shaking. I couldn't stop shaking. I still was not crying. The doctor's had always told me that B had the kind of asthma that he could be sitting there fine one minute and be dead the next. I just never thought that could happen to me. It's been a month, and I am slowly fitting the pieces together of that night.
Brandon had taken a shower and when he got out he told Shelby that he needed a breathing treatment. He was doing his breathing treatment and said, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe". The babysitter called her dad who lived just a block away and he came over within 30 seconds. He walked in the door and at that minute Brandon just went limp. John scooped him up and had him to the hospital in less than a minute. (we live right by the hospital). It was too late though. His airway had completely closed and there was nothing they could do. This is the first time I have shared the whole story. I feel such guilt at going out. I keep telling myself that if only I had been home this wouldn't have happened. I have spoken to the doctors and coroner and they all said that it would not have mattered. They said he could have been sitting in the ER when the attack happened and he still would have died. I now live with such guilt. Brandon had begged me not to go that evening. He was not used to being left with a sitter. My only comfort is knowing that he left this world holding his big sisters hand. She was the most important person in his life. Shelby has had to relive that night over and over. To top things off, their dad turned me in to DHS saying I contributed to his death. An investigation was done and it was found that I was not at fault. Right now I just need people to reach out to who know what I am going through. My closest friends and family do not understand. Thank you for taking time to read this!! I can be reached at ia_angeleyes@yahoo.com
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