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Stories of Lost Children

John Ethan
by John Burden, Colorado Springs, CO, U.S.A.

The early morning of December 15th of 2000 was when our world came crashing down. We didn't know if we were ready to be parents. I especially didn't know anything about being a great father. We were both young and in love but didn't expect to have children for a couple more years. We handled one day at at time. I went to all the appointments with her and I became more and more excited as the time went on. The first time I felt my son kick inside of her, I knew in my heart that I had never been more ready for anything in my life. When we knew the time was coming near, I stayed by the phone at all times when not at home and I waited eagerly for the call to come down to the hospital and get ready to meet my new son. When that day finally came, my heart was beating so fast, I couldn't possibly get to the hospital fast enough. We were both scared and excited all at once.

When we got there, they hooked up the monitors right away. My wife mentioned to the nurse that she hadn't felt the baby move very much since the day before. The nurse gave her a worried look and searched harder for the baby's heartbeat. She never found it. When the doctor came in and gave us the devastating news "I'm sorry" was all she could say. I'll never forget the scream my wife let out. To this day simply thinking about it penetrates my soul. December 15th of 2000 was the worst day of my life and even now, in April of 2002, the pain is as strong as the day it happened. Everyone says that time heals. Healing from something like this is a life long process. You can never totally heal from it. You can only hope to nurse your wounds. Our baby, John Ethan is now up in heaven watching over us, making sure we do what's right in our lives. His guidance walks us through the difficult times and his spirit rides with us during the happy ones. He will always be our very special angel and for that we will be forever greatful.

I'm truly sorry for everyone else who has had to deal with this terrible tragedy. May god be with you and may your angel give you the hope that ours has for us. Thank you.



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