Stories of Lost Children
So close, and yet, so far...
by Elizabeth Blackwood, Grasonville, Maryland, U.S.A.
I was 21 weeks pregnant on 11/5/01 when I had my first sonogram. We were completely astounded and absolutely thrilled to find out that I was carrying identical twin girls. We watched the sonogram tape over and over, we sang and talked to "The Girls" all the time, we named them Sarah Ashleigh and Elizabeth Reilly. We couldn't wait to meet them! Ten days later, on the morning of 11/15/01, I woke up with recurring pains in my abdomen and some bleeding. When we arrived at the hospital a sonogram showed no fetal movement or heartbeats. Our daughters were stillborn that afternoon. It's been almost four weeks and I still haven't really cried. I've been so "strong" and "stoic" - I've answered so many questions and smiled so many seemingly sincere smiles. Yes, we know what caused their deaths. Yes, we should be able to have happy and healthy pregnancies and children. Yes, we're doing just fine thank you. Now I need someplace to tell the truth. NO, I am NOT fine... my babies died! Our beautiful little angels, who we had just come to know, will never laugh or cry or even breathe! I always imagined that the love I felt for my children would make me warm and content. The love I feel for Sarah and Elizabeth has left me feeling cold and empty right now. No matter how warm and content I become in the future there will always be a place in my heart, cold and lonely but full of all the love in the world, for my two little girls.
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