Stories of Lost Children
Matthew William - Our Angel
by Tina Mothersill, Thirsk, North Yorkshire, England
I am 38, my eldest son is 15. This is my story: In February 2001 I was amazed but happy to discover that I was pregnant. It was a surprise as this was something which we had thought was never to be, and as Robert grew up we thought well, ok, God has decided we should only have one child. Well, we shopped and prepared and all seemed to be going well. I had concerns about if I would need a c-section as I had an emergency one with Robert. We fould out we were having another boy, I chose the name Matthew as the baby book said it meant a gift from god, I thought this was just so appropriate, I wasn't to know how much! At 38 weeks I went for a scan, and saw a new Gynacologist, Dr Walker, who agreed that due to the expected size of Matthew he would arrange for me to be delivered by elective c-section on Tues 14th August 2001. I was so excited, at last it was all about to happen. He telephoned me the next day to say could they re-shedule for the Thursday 16th August.
I did not then know that would be the worst day of my life. My husband and I left home expecting to be celebrating later that day. It was not to be. When we got to the hospital as part of the routine tests they put me on the monitor, after about 1 hr another midwfe came and said she thought the hearbeat being picked up was mine, after another try and a couple of scans Dr Walker, told us that it appeared our baby had passed away. I was delivered about an hour later by section, I was awake throught the procedure, Peter and my best friend Julie were with me.
I was still waiting to hear our baby cry, I thought they had made a mistake right up until I held him in my arms. We held him and had him blessed, he was so perfect, he weighed 8lbs 12oz. A post mortem showed no obvious reason for his death. The only thing they have been able to say is that it is similar to cot death, but happens in the womb.
I keep thinking I will wake up from this terrible dream. I want another baby NOW. I am so desparate, and angry, and sad. Why I keep asking, WHY did God give him to me after all these years, if he never meant me to keep him. We will never forget him. He will always be in our hearts. If anyone out there has had a similar experience I would love to talk. Mail me at: cmothersill@zoom.co.uk
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